Coagulation Breakdown

The other night, Grant cut his foot pretty good, a nice gash that was just begging to be cleaned up and covered up with a band-aid.

Uh, not so fast.

Grant is averse to band-aids. No, averse is much too nice. Terrified? Stricken? And it's really not just band-aids, it's any sticker or unexpected covering of the skin. But that night, he needed one. As soon as I saw the cut, I knew were in for a stand-off. My first mistake was trying one at all, I figured it had been at least a year since we tried so maybe he's softened his stance a little. See that perforation of my ear drum? There's your stance...

I tried a wet cloth, but he would have none of it. Screaming. Crying. Terror. How do you keep blood from getting everywhere when you can't cover the cut? I still don't know, but after a couple of "kiss the boo boos", some quick dabs of the cloth, and more of just my hand covering his foot - it stopped. He fell asleep after wearing himself out from the crying. Fortunately, the clotting has held up and he has not re-opened it.

Not long after, it struck me that he has not had a band-aid in at least 5 years. How is that possible!? Owen goes through about 100 a month. We all need one at some point, right? But 5 years!? What will we do when he finally gives in to the inevitable and really opens one up? I think we better start preparing for that - any and all ideas are welcome...

Patience

Grant, there is long-term patience and short-term patience, and tonight evidently I have neither.

I am so sorry that I lost my patience with you tonight. I know it's tough for you to fall asleep on your own and you do best when you've got a warm body next to you. Tonight, my patience gave out after you had gotten up several times and then couldn't keep the light off. I jumped up and let you know how frustrated I was. I went downstairs to let off steam so I'm not sure when you fell asleep. Hopefully it was soon, but I'm sorry. Your daddy tries to understand where you are coming from but as you know, many times I fail and tonight was one of those times.

As for long-term, one of the most frustrating things about your diet and supplements is the length of time it takes to see what works and what doesn't. To truly see what an addition or subtraction does, it can take days, weeks, or months. You don't really know this, but we had some more tests done to help determine the best supplements for your body. While we were waiting for the results, we let some of the old supplements run out since they cost some money and we didn't want to spend that money if it wasn't necessary. But, as we did that, we noticed some changes in you - you weren't responding as much to us and the "fog" seemed to be thickening again. We bought all the supplements and got back to the every night routine and it has really made a positive difference - the supplements clearly make a difference in your life.

Now, as you are very aware, we've let you eat pizza again. It has been so fun to watch you eat it! We are testing a few of the foods that have been restricted from you for over a year now, and the first is dairy. You seem to be doing well, but one of the issues has been your trouble getting to sleep. It seems like we've gone back to the way it was a few years ago when you HAD to have someone next to you to fall asleep. Is it the dairy? Or, is it because we were out Friday and Saturday night and you didn't get your supplements? Or is it totally unrelated? I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you to feel changes in your body and not be able to tell us about them. I wish we could just change everything in a week and be done with it, but unfortunately it just takes a lot of time to see what things are affecting you. Tonight, I don't have the patience to plan that out, to wait for the results.

I'm sorry that I'm having such a hard time being patient, Grant, but I sure am glad you are patient with me!

An anniversary for us geeks

Hearing the news today of the 25th anniversary of the Commodore 64 brought the memories flooding back... I haven't written about this much, if at all, but I'm a hopeless tech geek. And it all started the day my Dad brought home the C64. I tore into the User's manual and starting writing BASIC, then the Reference Guide which probably became the most worn book I've ever owned (and that's saying something). I was completely fascinated not only by what others were doing with it, but what I could do with it. Hundreds and hundreds of hours of my Sophomore and Junior years were spent in front of that keyboard, and it's not an understatement to say my life today would be completely different without it.

Thanks, Dad - who would have thought that one purchase would have had such an effect on me and my future. And thanks, Commodore, for making that 1st useful, affordable computer!

Netflix loves me

We've got the cheapest Netflix plan - 2 a month, and we rarely use them both. We used to have the 2-at-a-time plan but then we had to go with a monthly plan at Hollywood Video since that is Grant's major reward for behavior at school. It seems like every time we send a movie back to Netflix, we forget to check our queue and update it with something we want to see so the next movie seems to always be a surprise. It usually ends up being something one of us added a year or so ago and had since completely forgotten about. The movie I watched tonight, the one that had been collecting dust for at least 3 weeks, was one of those.

Fortunately, Netflix smiled on me this time, leaving The Astronaut Farmer in our mailbox for viewing at our discretion. I loved it. I'm such a sap for feel-good, dream-big, change-the-world, strong-family, slightly-outrageous-plot movies. This one had all of that and more and, like this post from a few weeks ago, it had me pondering if I still have dreams to live out. Sure, I have dreams for my family, but are they big enough? How sad is it though that a couple of hours later I still don't have any inkling of my dream? Assuming my final age is anywhere near the average of 77, I'm a little over half way there - when I'm just about to shut my eyes for the last time, what is it that I will look back on and say "I did it"?

What's your big dream or goal? Are you on track to accomplish it?

Before I start building a rocket ship in my backyard I better go check my Netflix queue to make sure the next movie doesn't make me think - any suggestions?

Time to go shopping

I had it.

A very good gift for my wife. A surprise gift. One completely unasked for but which would have elicited excitement and wonderment about 2.5 weeks from now.

4 tickets to Bon Jovi and Daughtry for their show here in April. It was all going so well - I knew about the concert and she didn't. I found a way to get tickets before they went on sale so I could actually buy them for list price (although that is highway robbery itself...). A couple of weeks later, she learned about the concert and we went through a thankfully fruitless search for reasonably-priced tickets online. At that point, I thought the surprise was safe.

But today we both heard they had scheduled a 2nd show. I knew my plan was in trouble when I heard it, but then I came home from work to hear her talking to her friends about plans to buy tickets to the 2nd show. Oh no. Mere minutes later I knew it was all over. I could no longer keep my gift a secret.

She was of course very surprised and excited, but it wasn't the same to me. So close!

So now, I need another cool idea. Please help!

Psssssssssssst!

Don't tell anyone - this is just between you me.

We gave Grant cheese pizza last night. And he ate it.

You see, this is a big deal at our house. It's been well over a year that Grant has been on the eat-nothing-you-could-possibly-find-in-a-store-or-that-is-simple-to-make diet. Since the first few months, he's been positively fantastic about it, better than we could ever hope or expect him to be.

Previous to the diet, he didn't even eat pizza. He wasn't interested in it in the least. But, in the past few months he has wanted pizza when we had it at home. Even more recently, he's been saying "pizza" when we pass by pizza places. He even throws in a "yum yum" for good measure.

But last night we were all on the way home from Cassidy's basketball game when we passed by 2 pizza places and heard the familiar words from the back seat. We had just had that "it's too late to cook anything but what can we pick up that's somewhat healthy, not to mention, what will Grant eat" conversation. And then, in a knowing glance that only 16 years of marriage can make, we looked at each other as if to say "it's time". We're essentially done with standard chelation as it has stopped being effective at pulling out metals. He's still taking various supplements and we've stuck to the diet based on the allergy test results. After a year though, it's time for the double-blind study, the test and response.

And so, we stopped at the 3rd pizza place, our favorite - Sal's Pizza. Grant's response might as well have been that of Christmas morning, he jumped out of the car and ran to the door. Somehow he knew he wasn't going to be denied this time. He looked like one of those cartoons where the boy starts smelling something incredible and it lifts him off the ground and toward the prize. Once home, we were just as excited to see what he would do as he was to actually get to pull the pizza slice out of the box and put it on his plate.

He picked it up and bit in, savoring the bite like we savor the chocolate at La Fondue, eating with a slow passion like the first kiss after a long time apart. Grant continued to eat purposefully until it was all gone, including the crust. Our amazement in watching quickly broke, however, when Owen started to cry. "He can't eat that. It's going to hurt him!" Tears flowed as Grant's younger brother pleaded, "No, Grant, stop eating that!" We did our best to explain to Owen that it was OK and Grant was not going to be sick (we hoped). He took little solace and then turned his eyes up to us and said "I want Grant to talk like us." If ever a 5 year old showed love for his 8 year old brother this was it; we were witness to it and it was truly a memorable moment.

So now we wait and look for signs, changes, behaviors. We won't tell anyone, except you, so that we can get honest and unprovoked reports of positive or negative changes from his teachers and therapists. If there is nothing negative, we'll continue to introduce other items from the banned list, slowly and carefully. Out there, somewhere on the horizon, a boy finds popcorn, ice cream, and birthday cake and he smiles.

Lucky 7's

Thanks to March Day who has tagged me for the 7 random facts about myself meme - here are the rules:
1) Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

2) Share 7 facts about yourself.

3) Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

4) Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Interestingly enough, my only previous tag was for 8 random facts about myself, so either I'm just a random kind of guy or else others know that I really don't like to talk about myself (wait, I'll use that for #1!).

#1 - Ok, not so random anymore, but I don't like to talk about myself. It's been obvious to me since I was a little kid as others would talk about themselves and I'd think, "hmm, I should be able to tell a story about myself like that..." but when it comes to a conversation, very rarely does a thought about myself come to mind. And if it does, I rarely feel as if it would be interesting to the other party.

#2 - My favorite season is Spring - it always has been and probably always will be. But, man, the allergies suck! I never had a hint of allergies until... one day... we were in the middle of a field full of 2-3 foot wildflowers and weeds surveying the land that would one day become my in-laws house. The sneezing hit me fast and hard and I've never been the same since. Every year from late March to mid July, I am one big mess.

#3 - I watch a little too much TV, although a lot less than I did growing up. My 3 favorite shows are Lost, Prison Break, and 24 although I also watch too much reality TV like Survivor and the Amazing Race.

Ok, those are totally boring, let's get really random.

#1. I've owned 2 VW bugs, the current one for the past 20 years. The first one I totalled in one of those accidents that you look back and wonder how you walked away from it. The current one is a 71 convertible that is in pretty bad shape at the moment.

#2. I've learned several instruments over the years - violin, piano, drums, handbells, and a bit of guitar. I can play what I read, but I can't play what I hear. It drives me crazy because I love to play but I just have no ability to translate what I hear into music.

#3. One thing I love to do even more than play music is to sing. However, there are very few things that I am worse at in life than singing. Once again, that drives me crazy! My singing ability barely rivals this guy.

#4. Speaking of singing, I love American Idol and I'm man enough to admit it. I love Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood but I've even got Jon Peter Lewis on my MP3 player.

#5. One of my favorite things is watching and playing football. My favorite team has always been the Pittsburgh Steelers. Have I ever been to Pittsburgh, you ask? No, I was born and raised here. But when I was about 8 and in my formative years for both infatuation and football loyalty, a family from Pittsburgh with a very cute 8 year old girl moved in down the block. The rest is history. Erin, do you realize what effect you've had on my life? :)

#6. I've been playing softball for about 20 years now and am probably best known for my "stretch" at 1st base. Other than my siren, this is probably the one thing that people come up to me and recognize me for.

#7. When it comes to 'night owl' vs 'morning person' - I am a 100% night owl. Even as I write this, it's 12:30AM and I would stay up for another 1-2 hours if... heck, I probably will. I am completely useless in the morning, even if I do fall asleep at a decent time. My perfect morning is sleeping in, then coming down to a big, hot breakfast, and reading the paper cover to cover.

I'll have to come back and add my tags...

Pain and silence

It's been a topsy-turvy weekend so far and we aren't even to Saturday yet! On Thanksgiving morning, we had just finished breakfast and going through all of the ads for Friday when Staci turned on the oven to start baking a few pies for Thanksgiving dinner at her parents' place. A few minutes later, the oven starts making a hideous sound - metal on metal. What? If there's one appliance I would not expect to break, it would be the oven. But there it was, complaining loudly as if to say - you don't need to eat any pie, you big lard! And so it quickly became clear that we needed to move into serious "get our butts out the door mode" so that Staci could do her cooking/baking at her mom's house. Thank goodness we weren't having the holiday at our house this year!

Over at the in-laws, Grant and I had a great time wandering over to see the farm animals across the road. He loves watching them, saying their names and making their sounds. Doing this always reminds me of one of the early autism questions - "does he make animals noises?" - he does now! We must have played there and then in the yard for a good hour until dinner. The food was incredible, as it always is - of course, I am all about the pies. I would trade the dinner in a heartbeat for the pies if I had to, but please don't make me!

And then Grant starting making this coughing/choking sound. It sounds like he had something in his throat, but he also started holding his stomach. Before long, we were running to the porcelain. I felt so bad for him! He was clearly in pain but he had no way to tell us how he felt or ask us to help. He put my hand on his lower belly and he had me kiss it, but he could only whimper and curl up. I held him and then ran him to the bathroom, back and forth for about an hour. After about 6 trips, whatever caused it left his body and he was back to his chipper self. What a strong boy he is! I'm so proud of him for getting through that tough time; I can't imagine what I would feel if I couldn't explain my pain.

On Friday, it was normal health for everybody and when we went for our regular trip to the park, Grant did great on his bike!! We've definitely moved past him requiring me to have a constant hold on the bike and he just seems much more at ease. He is steering all by himself and is riding in the proper spot on the path instead of right on the very right-edge. I might be fooling myself, but I think he actually enjoyed his bike ride on Friday.

I hope I've made it sound like we actually did something with our weekend, but in reality every spare minute I didn't describe here was spent playing Guitar Hero III. Everybody is hooked, except for Grant, although he has picked up the guitar once or twice. Staci is just about to finish the Easy career, I'm about midway through the Medium career and Cassidy is just about to finish Medium. If the boys were on vacation somewhere, it's safe to say that every waking minute would be spent playing that game - somebody stop us!

Generations

22 1/2 years ago, I ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes and stayed home. I wasn't feeling well, I said. The next day, it was another excuse and then I just stopped going to football practice. I was small and slow so I wouldn't have made the team anyway, I said. I was 99 lbs and the minimum was 100 lbs, I said. The next year, I said I'd never make it on the team because I hadn't played the year before. And so it went for 4 years; I never played although playing football was my biggest dream. I never even watched a game.

On Friday night, we, along with most of the town, watched the two local high schools go at it in the first round of the CCS playoffs. Our nephew was promoted from JV for the playoffs and we were so proud to see him out on the field. Prior to his freshman year, he had never played football, but he decided he wanted to play and 2 years later he's a star on defense. Earlier this year he had a severe injury completed unrelated to football; most of us were very doubtful that he would play this year, if ever again. But here he is, playing for the varsity after playing every game this year.

Today, we moved Staci's grandparents into an assisted-living home. This move is necessary and it's going to be a much better situation for them. Over the past several years, they've experienced the typical maladies of the typical 80+ year old but they haven't fought it. They haven't worked to improve their lives, they have existed. Although it was quite sad to see this change in their lives, it was even harder to wonder how their lives would be better off if they had exercised or socialized more.

I'm sure their "decision" was much like mine that day, just one bad excuse in an otherwise make-all-the-right-decisions kind of day. Fear of failure, fear of success, or just fear of pain - it doesn't matter which one, it just matters that we gave into it and it kept us from accomplishing our goals and dreams. As I realize these similariites and compare them to the joy of seeing our nephew push past this same fear and accomplish so much, I am going to some serious dreaming and goal-setting over the next few days and weeks and promise that nothing is going to keep myself or my family from living life to the fullest. If I do one day end up living in a room where assistance is required to help me live, it will only be because I have lived every second of every day to its fullest and my body is simply unable to keep up with my dreams.

Unacceptable

Regardless of where you stand on the vaccine controversy, this is unacceptable. Please do your part and bombard Prince Georges County, Maryland with complaints.

rumblin...

Tonight we had one of those great California adventures - an earthquake! Cassidy and I were in the kitchen when we heard the rumbling, such a low bass that it drums right through your body. After a few seconds of rumble, the shaking started and before long it was like a train running right through our backyard. Every time an earthquake hits, you have that split second where you need to figure out if this is a fun one, or if the house is going to start falling down around you.
With this one, it took about 10 seconds and it was clear that this one was all fun. It hit 5.6 on the richter scale which is pretty much the perfect "fun" earthquake. It's big enough so that everybody within 80 miles feels it, it shakes enough that you'll be thinking about it for days, and yet nobody gets hurt and nothing breaks. Once you cross over that 6.0 mark, someone is going to be hurt and there will be damage somewhere. Then there's 1989 and the Loma Prieta quake - don't get me started!

So, what does tonight's quake have to do with Owen looking down a hole? Well, this was the first quake that Owen has experienced, at least in his 5 yr old list of memories, and he was pumped up about it! He and Grant were upstairs while Cassidy and I were downstairs. Staci had just walked out to the Garage. As the quake was hitting its apex, I was running up the stairs to make sure they were ok. Owen had this huge smile on his face, "Wow, that was cool!"
"Owen, that was an earthquake! The ground was shaking under our feet." I started to explain. I tried to explain it to Grant but he was having none of it. He didn't seem fazed by it.
"Dad, let's do that again!"
"Well..." I started
"Hey Dad, let's go look and see the animals that were shaking the house."
"Huh?"
"Yeah, let's look down and see the animals!"
After a few minutes, we realized that he wanted to check out the crawlspace under the house. Armed with his flashlight, he was ready to take on the world. Who knows what he thinks has been living down there, but evidently it's big enough to shake our house!

Green Pastures

We have worked for almost 2 years with a ministry named "Green Pastures"; they have been instrumental in helping us get Club Kangaroo off the ground and with bringing local churches together for this relevant reason. They have recently published a video online which shows how they work with churches to provide respite care for families on a regular basis. You should be able to download it from their home page, but here is a direct link to the Windows file and Quicktime file in case you can't (note that are large downloads, about 30MB).

Although I think you will enjoy watching the video, I really just want you to know what a great resource Green Pastures is for a church or any organization. Even if you are not here in the Bay area, and most of you reading this are not, they will still be very glad to work with you to help set up or organize respite events or church programs. Even if they can't physically do the work themselves, they will help get you in touch with the right people. Even if this doesn't float your boat, please send the links to someone whom you think will benefit from it. Whatever we can do to support the children, and in turn their families, is a great thing.

All burned up

Today was a rather wonderful day at church as we celebrated both its 60 year anniversary and the burning of the mortgage. In the morning service we heard from 4 former pastors and were exhorted to be prepared; there will be no 'taking it easy' now that the mortgage is retired. In the evening service, we saw 2 people who have been with the church the entire 60 years, several for 50+ and a good number at 40+. Staci and I have called Bethel home for over 20 years now.

As we burned the mortgage, I thought of the many people who sacrificed heavily to buy the current property and construct our 2 buildings. We are so fortunate to have such a great set of buildings to worship, serve, play, and eat. If not for those who had sacrificed before us, we would not be able to serve the community with sports leagues in the gym, to serve those with special needs in Club Kangaroo, to serve the youth with skateboard ramps.

With that in mind, the reception after the evening service was a great trip down memory lane. There were many people present whom I had not seen for a long time, some who I see but haven't had a chance to laugh with for a while, and some who reminded me yet again of what it means to be a great person and live a great life. Besides the things I mentioned earlier, another incredible thing about our church is the number of truly incredible people. I wish I could name them here, but there are a handful of people who have had a profound influence on my life, those who are true to their faith, true to their lives, and true to their community.

As I drove home, I pondered on those people and their effect on me. Rarely was it something they said specifically to me, instead it was me watching them afar, catching them in conversation, or seeing them deal with tough times. I wonder how life would be if everybody had such role models, if everyone looked for such role models, and how my life would have been different without them. What a great night to honor the past, celebrate the present, and ignite the future.

Tis the season

No, not THAT season. THIS family loves THAT season.

No, it's IEP season. We have IEP #6 coming up next month and today was the first round of prep work with the school. We have a meeting about a month beforehand with his teacher (we had that meeting today), at least one of the paras, speech, OT, etc. We go over last year's IEP, review status, and we discuss the goals for this coming year. More often than not, we're on the same page and given that it's been awhile since we've needed additional services, there is little to no conflict.

Over the next month, we'll refine the goals and procedures so when it comes time for the actual IEP, it's just a matter of signing forms. Sounds good, right? So why then do I feel like I got hit by a truck when I walked out of today's meeting?

This meeting is the one time during the year when I'm forced to acknowledge "everything". The other 364 days of the year we can work with him, play with him, celebrate the positive, and try to solve the problems. But reviewing the IEP goals, it hits home how slow the progress is coming. How long the road is going to be. How life is going to be. Surely he learned how to add numbers since last year, right? Surely, he can say the name of everyone in the classroom, right? No, he met a few goals, but most of the goals will continue in a similar form.

3rd grade will lead to 4th grade will lead to 5th grade and we will still be working on a subset of the skills required for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. We'll still be trying to teach him how to talk to other kids, why that might be useful for him. I'll still be teaching him how to ride a bike, how to catch a ball, and how to pump his legs on a swing.

This is what hits me when I walk out of that meeting, feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest. The life we live, not the life as we dream it, is going to be very, very hard for Grant. It's going to be harder for him than all of us put together.

Tomorrow, I'll wake up and the weight will be lifted. It will be time to make breakfast, time to bring laughter, time to create opportunities. But today, oh today, it hurts.

powerful curve

Sometimes the momentous moments take a few seconds to sink in. The kids were in the hot tub, enjoying the hot water and bubbles while I was semi-conscious in front of the football game.
"Daddy?" I heard from the door. Hmm, Owen must be wanting to get out. Ok, just a minute as I make the incredible effort to get up on my feet.
"Daddy?"
"Grant?" Wait a minute, that was Grant calling me? With the intonation of a call, a request, a question? Did I really hear it the right way or I was I just in a dream state? I hop up quickly and run to the door. There he is, standing at the door, looking up at me as if to say, "um, didn't you hear me. I would like a towel, please."
"Ok, Grant, I'll be right back. I'll go get some towels." He waited there at the door, his wet skin chilling in the late afternoon sun. I ran back down the stairs and wrapped him up in a towel.

A question mark, at the end of a word - just a silly little curve with a dot at the end. But when it comes out of Grant's mouth, it carries the weight of the future. Calling me, asking for me - could we really be on the cusp of hearing questions from Grant? Did he really put that lilt in his voice to ask a question? Only time will tell...

Notes from a Sunday

It's so easy, too easy, to get "caught up" in the world of Grant - the good, the bad, the unknown. Certainly that's what is expected of us, after all we are special needs parents and that is soooo hard, right? For that matter, we could spend all our spare time researching autism therapies, let alone practicing and implementing them. Even in my writing here, 95% of it is about him and the other 2 kids don't get their fair share.

Sunday was a great example of why we try not to live our lives that way.

Each Sunday, we get to experience Club Kangaroo - one of the most challenging and yet rewarding experiences of our lives. It is our great challenge to provide a place where these kids can come and feel safe, feel loved, have fun, and even learn a little. In addition, we're there to support the parents not only by being there for a couple of hours a week but to give them a little emotional boost as well. Some times, it's just a quiet, peaceful time. And other times, like this Sunday, it's like playing a game of Perfection. The clock is ticking and that box is ready to pop when you are least ready for it. All the while, we're trying to put the right piece in the right slot and when we put it in the wrong spot, the box is almost certainly going to pop up and scatter the pieces all over the place.

There are also times when the rewards are so obvious. For example, the grandfather of a boy in our class walked up to me before service and said, "Steve, I've got a reason to praise God."
"Why is that?" I asked, hoping to hear a good story about his grandson's week.
"Every time I see you, I praise God for you and what you are doing."

What an incredibly uplifting and encouraging thing to hear! I'm not one to remember quotes or famous movie lines, but those words will stick with me forever.

During service, we had a full house in the class. While it was quite exhausting, it was also a great time to reflect on how far each of the kids has come in a short period of time. Each one had a moment which could have resulted in a meltdown, an anger episode, loss of control - you name it. But each one was able to get past that moment, to take just enough control that they didn't lose it. Each one had awareness of the situation and held back before they went too far. At the same time, 3 of them journeyed with us to children's church on a bit of a field trip. Most of the kids have trouble dealing with the noise, the action, the unpredictability, etc. But, we're all slowly learning how to prepare for that time, and how to cut it short when it's clear that it's not going to last.

Those are just a few of the reasons why we try not to get caught up in the world of Grant but instead try to give more than we can take. We have learned so much by working with, playing with, and loving these kids. We are very, very fortunate to be involved in their lives.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! You didn't really think I was going to end a weekend post without some Grant stories did you? Here are just a few from the world of Grant -

-While he was playing in his room instead of getting dressed in the morning, Staci walked in and reminded him, "Grant, after church today we'll get fries. You need to get dressed if you want fries later." He immediately got dressed! His listening ability has come so far; it still shocks us.
-Grant took his longest bike ride ever and he did great! It was really the first time that we've had to ride for and extended period on a sidewalk and he didn't have any problem with it. He's continuing to ride without my hand on the bike - great stuff.
-As we were all getting in the car in the morning, he asked for "book". He had picked out a book the previous night at a school fundraiser, Good Night, Gorilla. He was able to communicate his desire before we left the house; that means no crying and screaming in the car. And he wanted a book!
-At the video store in the afternoon, it became pretty clear that he was going to need the bathroom pretty soon. Rather than just hop around in the potty dance, he used his words all on his own, "I want bathroom."

Mornings

Ugh, I hate mornings - always have. Getting out of bed has always been one of the hardest things for me to do. In a perfect world, I'd wake up and have about 30 minutes to clear the fog before having to set a foot on the floor. In my real world, the kids are pulling me out of bed and the fog often lasts until lunch time.

But.

One of my favorite parts of my day is taking Grant to school - in the morning. I can't even write that without smiling because it was just a few short years ago that it was my hardest part of the day. Those first 3 years of school mornings, were... well, that's another post entirely. The next 2 were much better, but still difficult because I had Owen with me while getting Grant to his class. This year, however, it's just me and Grant. This is a good thing.

Grant is able to sit in the front seat of the car now, so as we drive I talk about the things we see and about how school will go today. Most days, he will name his favorite things that he sees along the way - corn, barn, cows. I believe he comprehends 90% of what I'm saying, but I have absolutely no idea how he processes that information. If he is processing it in a similar way to you and I, how utterly frustrating that must be to not reciprocate his thoughts and feelings. I have no idea if he likes or doesn't like any or all of the kids in his class (or does he care?). But, before we know it, we're at school trying to scrounge up a parking space so we can walk to his class. This year, we've been on time each and every day - incredible! Even the morning that my battery was dead, we still got the car jumped and got to class before the bell rang.

The class schedule is a good mix between highly scheduled activities and opportunities to break up the schedule. The morning is one of the highly scheduled times - come in, grab a book, and read until it's time to start class. This is my time. I exchange greetings with his teacher and the paras who are in the room, and also with the parents as they drop off their children. My favorite part, though, is getting to know the kids themselves. Because Grant is doing so well in the morning and since I don't have Owen with me, I'm able to spend a little more time in the class and talk to the kids. We have a new kid in the class this year, J., who talks quite well and can easily converse and share his ideas and thoughts. I love to hear his stories and his opinion of various topics - toys, his sister, his dad's job, etc. While I'm talking to J., I kneel next to Grant's desk and read along with him. I try to get him to label things, or I try to get him interested in the story being told.

At the same time, I say 'hi' to each of the other kids. One boy who has been with Grant since the beginning, always says 'hi Grant's Dad'. Lately, he's been addressing me before I say 'hi' to him - great stuff. He is definitely farther along on the language train than Grant. The other kids give me all sorts of different reactions, as you would expect. R. speaks very quietly and has almost no eye contact. G. almost always gives me a smile when I talk to him; I can see a glimmer in his eye and I think he's going to be a real character when he grows up. D. has just recently starting copying R. and now says 'hi Grant's Dad' too. There are a few others that generally show up a little later and I don't get to talk to them much.

Before I know it, the bell has rung and Mrs. J. is heading towards the front of the classroom to start group time. I say 'bye Grant' and he says 'bye, Daddy' - this always puts a smile on my face as I say bye to everybody and head out the door for a day at the office. The joy I experience in the morning these days wouldn't be the same without the struggles and discouragement I had with Grant in earlier years. Now, if I could just learn how to get out of bed...

my son, the neurodiversitist

Overheard at the dinner table tonight...

Staci, Owen, and Cassidy were talking about a converstaion from earlier in the afternoon about wishes. Staci asked Owen, "Do you remember my wish?"

"Hmmm... no?"

"My wish was that Grant would learn to talk."

"It's ok, Mom. Grant has his own language! He's ok." Smiles all around the table, and then he continued in a whisper, "Mom, I changed my wish."

"You did?"

He leans into her ear and whispers, "I love you mom."

Melting ensued.

Hands Off

Saturday afternoon - another trip to the park. Going to the park means getting Grant on his bike. Getting Grant on his bike means another lesson in patience for me and another lesson in bike riding for him.

I can't believe it's been over a year since I first wrote about teaching Grant to ride. In that year, we have made incredibly little progress on his bike. At least we hadn't lost anymore of our progress, and for that I am thankful.

But Saturday, we did it. We made progress. I should say, Grant made progress because it's really all on his shoulders at this point. I've made my peace with knowing that it's just going to take a long time and it's got to come with his own desire and on his terms.

For well over a year now, he has insisted that I keep my hand on the bike while he's riding. If I took it off, he would either stop riding or start crying. So every so often I move my hand just off the handle bar so that he knows my hand is there but at the same time he knows I'm not touching it.

On Saturday, though, he let me take my hand off the bike. For almost the whole way to the park and then the whole way home, he was ok with me running along side of him. He let out a few squeals and reached for me a couple of times, but they were just half-hearted attempts. He was ok with it. I could see that he was comfortable on the bike for the first time in a long while.

Oh for the day when he can focus continuously on his riding so that he doesn't veer off the path, the day when I can ride along side of him, the day when we take the training wheels off again, the day when he truly realizes the freedom of riding his bike. Until then, we'll keep riding and learning, together.

am I going to die?

For whatever reason, Owen has had a few stys in his lower eye lid over the years. Usually, they go away with either a hot compress or some ointment. However, for the past few months, what appeared to be a sty got a little too big and we had to get it checked out.

The doc's response - hmmm, I'm not sure what that is, better get it checked by a specialist. Well, that's not what we wanted to hear!

So, a few weeks back we took him to a pediatric ophthalmologist (what a mouthful that is!) to get it checked out. He was fantastic in the office, pretty amazing really. He sat right up in the big chair, put his face in the "eye checking machine" and did everything the doc told him to. The diagnosis? Whew, nothing serious. She said it is a sty that has burst, then another grew on top of it, and maybe even a 3rd time. Unfortunately though, the only way to get rid of it is to cut it out.

Cut? In his eye? And, to top it off, the doc said that we would need 2 strong people who are not afraid of blood to hold him still while she works on his eye.

Umm.. Ok. Hmmm.. Can't wait for that.

Tuesday was the big day. Cut day. We tried our best to prepare him but of course he really had no idea what was in store for him. Staci was very prepared; she had a new stuffed gorilla for him to hold during the procedure and a transformer for after the procedure was done. Once again, he hopped right in the chair and allowed the doc to poke and prod. But then it was time to start.

Staci lay in the reclined chair and wrapped her arms and legs around Owen to hold his body still. I was behind him and in charge of holding his head still.

As soon as the disinfectant drops reached his eyes, it was all over. Tears. Screams. Struggle. And now, time for the sharp instruments. With his head firmly in my hands, the doc inserted a needle in his lower eye lid to numb it. The sight of his eyelid puffing full of liquid was a sight I will never forget.

While he is still screaming, the doc pulls his eyelid back in a tool to hold it in place. She then whips out a small scalpel/knife and starts lancing the sty. It takes a few cuts to completely remove it, but while this is happening, Owen is getting much more concerned. "Will I ever see again?" "Please make her stop!"

"Am I going to die?"

From a 5 year old? We all stopped and looked at him when he popped this line out. Where could he possibly have gotten this fear? This concept? I'm still stunned by the depth of his fear at that moment and the unspoken thoughts that must have been rushing through his head. As the doc applied a bandage over his eye, he saw a little of the blood and became even more concerned about losing his sight. In a manner of just seconds, he went from fighting the bandage to not wanting to take it off. He was so scared that taking it off would cause more pain or would cause a problem with this eye.

As the day went on, he was very comfortable with his bandage. Grant was quite curious about it but did not try to remove it from Owen's face. Finally, Staci was able to remove the bandage at bath time; he finally understood that it was ok to remove it and he was tired enough at that point that he didn't give up a fight.

Fortunately, there have been no complications and there have been no more concerns about death. But what an adventure into the mind of a 5 year old!

old is new

Last week's school quandary had to be solved quickly, and it was. Staci talked to the principal and got her to agree to a choice - either Owen would go to the K/1st grade combo with his existing teacher or he would go to a new K class with a new teacher. However, either option would involve moving from the "late hour" to the "early hour".

Staci also talked to Owen's teacher, to Grant's teacher, as well as a few other adults. Owen's teacher really wanted him to come with her to the new combo class. They have quickly bonded, and it's clear that she is getting through to him. Grant's teacher had worked with her several years ago and recommended that he stay with her. Ultimately, the choice was easy. Since the major pain in this change was really the change in the hour, and since we were going to lose the "late hour" schedule either way, it was purely a "what's best for Owen" question. He likes his teacher and she likes him. He's loving school and he's ready to be challenged by being in a class with 1st graders. So, this past Monday he started his new class and it's gone very smoothly.

As for the schedule change, Staci is making it all work. She drops him off on her way to work - no problem there. However, since he gets out 30 minutes before Staci is off work, the real trick is what happens after school. Going to an after school day care is really expensive and seems senseless for such a short period of time. So, the plan is for me to work from home 1 or 2 days a week and pick him up. The other days, Staci's mom will pick him up and bring him over when Staci gets home - thanks, Grandma!

quick change artists

We're winding up the 4th week of school (!) and it's been amazingly quiet. Cassidy hasn't had any issues starting Jr. High (at least nothing she will admit to) and she's enjoying most of her classes. Grant is well entrenched in 3rd grade and his 3rd year in the same SDC class. Owen is soaking up Kindergarten as if he was parched for knowledge. Besides the big introductions of Jr. High and Kindergarten, our biggest concern was scheduling. They each go to a different school and Grant and Owen's class get out 5 minutes apart. The teachers, however, have been very accommodating and that turned out to be a non-issue. The other scheduling issue was that Kindergarten starts almost 2 hours after Staci goes to work but she had all that worked out as well. We had a great system going!



We got a letter the other day stating that some classes at Owen's school need to be juggled and that one of the K classes would be switched to a K/1st combo class. Hmm... Initially we thought it might be a great thing for Owen since he's doing so well and we initially had concerns that he might be bored in K. However, once we found out that the new class would start in the "early" hour and not hist current "late" hour, we abandoned that. Can't do that, our schedule is perfect!

We got another letter today. Your child has been placed in the new K/1st grade combo class. Ack! Not only was everything working out academically and clock-wise, Staci also had 90 minutes all to herself each day before she had to pick up Owen. In the blink of an eye, we now need to find somewhere for Owen to go for about 60 minutes after school since he gets out before Staci is out of work, and now Staci's "quiet time" has just disappeared . @#)2@)#(*)#((#)((!!!

Oh, and in case this wasn't made perfectly clear in the first letter, this all starts this coming Monday.

Opening Day

Are you ready for some football?!? Ah, opening day - the cheering fans, the shouts from the cheerleaders, the referees' whistles blowing, the grass and mud all over the players. NFL? College? No, it's upward football and today was opening day. Cassidy is playing for the first time, and she's a stud. Unfortunately, there aren't enough girls to field multiple teams so we have to play 4 on 4 - maybe next year!

I love this action shot - the 2 girls on defense are about to pounce on Cassidy (with the ball). Look at her go!






This shot is from the last play of the game. Cassidy caught a pass in a crowd and then took off like a flash. Following this play, they lined up for a 2 pt conversion; she lined up at QB and threw a completion in the back of the end zone!

Who knows, maybe she'll be the Brandy Chastain of girls football and she'll be playing pro someday. :)

don't read this post

No, seriously. It's my own fault. I stayed up a little too late reading blogs and found this guy who has been recording TV since 1976! Don't click on the link! Well, not if you value your spare time anyway. If you go there, you will not leave your seat for a long time. I'm just warning you. Fascinating. Hilarious. Uncanny.

Hmm.. I'm probably not getting any sleep tonight. Somebody help me!

the weekend in pictures

In the middle of all that swimming this past weekend, Owen took a break to describe the day in his own "words".

Time to get our swimming suits on!

I'm going to push you in the pool, Dad!

Splash!

Dad is throwing me in the water!

Wow, I was that was a huge throw! I made a big splash!

Time to get out of the pool and eat some popsicles!

Here is my popsicle.

Ok, time to go back in the house.








The End.

Pool School

So this is what post #100 feels like. This number has been preventing me from posting for several days; I wanted #100 to be cool, special, unique but I couldn't/wouldn't make the time for it. Yeesh - what a goof I am. I started this blog to write about Grant's progress so it is only fitting that #100 focus on Grant.

It's been roasting here for the past week - in the triple digits all of last week so we've practically been living in the pool. I never cease to be amazed at how 'at home' Grant is in the pool. When he is in the water, it's as if the world around him settles down and he can see and feel his environment in such a calming way.

The 'overload signs' are non-existent in the pool - the pressure clapping, the fingers behind his ears, the rote 'babbling' of lines from his favorite shows, the list goes on and on.

The 'calm signs' are a joy to behold - big smiles, eagerness for participating in pool activities together, feeling at ease around other kids, no hitting, laughter. I'm smiling just writing this list.

He often will ask me to go under water with him; it's almost like he's saying 'Come, see my world, Dad'. Under water, life is quiet - very quiet. Any sounds from up above are just muffled vibrations. There are no bright lights - indeed, even sight is muffled. While my 5 senses are being deprived, my proprioceptive sense chimes in with 'all is well' - my body feels wrapped tight with water and nothing is poking, prodding, tickling my skin. We look at each other and laugh before we shoot back to the top for some air.

If only we could bring some part of this into the rest of his daily life. If only he could tell us what is it in the 'outside' world that brings him agitation. Maybe it's time to bring the speech therapists and his teachers over each day and we'll have school in the pool!! Imagine the advancements he would make!

running in cycles

It seems that when I go a few too many days without a post it's because there's just a bit too much going on in life and I can't seem to force myself to whittle it all down to one (seemingly) coherent theme. The last few weeks have certainly been one of those periods but since I need to narrow it all down, the theme has to be 'back to school'.

This is definitely the first year, and probably the last, when all 3 kids were actually looking forward to school. Cassidy is starting Junior High (7th) and she was really looking forward to the new classes, the new teachers, the new school, etc. Grant really enjoys school now, although probably for the opposite reason - it is now very familiar to him. He's been at the same school for 5 (!) years now and he still has 3 to go (after this one). He's in the 3rd grade (SDC) and is showing more and more signs of actually wanting to learn. Owen started Kindergarten this year. What was previously "Cassidy's school" is now "Owen's school". He was also very excited about going to his new school; he feels like a "big boy".

Of course, this means that we have 3 different schools, 3 different start times, and 3 different end times. Whee. The toughest part is that Grant's class gets out 5 minutes before Owen's class, and there's no way Staci can pick up Grant and get over to Owen's school in 5 minutes. Fortunately, Grant's teacher is very understanding and she picks him up 5-10 minutes early. I still get to bring Grant to school which, while it has not always been easy, I have always enjoyed. Since I can't just drop him off in front of the school like NT kids, I get to walk him into class and hang out for a little bit. Over the years, this has been a great opportunity to build a rapport with his teachers and to have a quick exchange of ideas when there is a need to do so. It's too bad we can't do that with the other 2 - it really seems "right" to know the teachers so well and to know the other kids and their parents.

Owen's first day was a bit worrisome since he can have a bit of a frustration/anger issue at times. When he gets really frustrated he can "light it up" with the best of them. However, his morning started out great and he was all smiles walking in the room. When his teacher noticed he had the same lunch box as another boy, she started writing his name on the outside. In ink. Right -on-top-of-Spiderman. Uh-oh, big mistake. Owen was NOT happy about that. Evidently it took him a while to get out of that "mood" but he hung in there and finished strong. Today (the 2nd day) was much better.

Although Cassidy was looking forward to 7th grade, the big bummer was that none of her best friends were in ANY of her classes! Although she says that she hasn't really talked to any new people, I'm not buying it. She'd be complaining if that were really true. By far, the biggest change (and drawback) to 7th grade is the lack of recess and a shorter lunch period. Welcome to the real world, pal!

Finally, the last few days I have been desperate to glean information from each of them about their day. Well, I always ask Grant about his day even though I've never gotten any sort of answer. Maybe someday. But, Cassidy and Owen are more than capable of describing every minute of their day to me - what's the problem!? All I get is "it was good" or "nothing happened". C'mon, I work in an office all day, I need some stories about this other world you are living in kids! So, I've pretty much given up on asking and have resorted to other methods. I either ask stupid questions which require them to respond with a "real" explanation, or I tell them some story from my school days so that they will want to talk about their own. Any other ideas are MORE than welcome!

Ok, boring post is over. My next post is #100!

God's town

overheard at the dinner table tonight...

"... thank You for our blessings, amen"

"pfffffffft"

"Owen, what was that? Do you know who we are talking to when we pray?"

"Who?"

"God."

"Oh... but where is He?"

"He's everywhere."

"But he's not in our town."

"He's not in our town?"

"No, he's invisible. He's in invisible town!"

Laughter erupted at the table in one of those "can't help laughing even during a teaching moments".

who

I ran across this photo collection site, Square America, and quickly became lost in it. People, places, stories - all unknown. Fascinating.

Then, I ran across this one.

What do you think? It looks like an institution to me, sometime between the 30s and 50s. I look at the faces. I'm reminded of a thought that often strikes me, what would Grant's life have been like if he had been born 30 years ago? 50? 80? 100? Would we as his parents have had the courage to fight against the societal norm and keep him at home? Or would we have shipped him off to some place like this when it became clear that "he was not like the rest of us"?

What's going through the minds of all those men? What could there lives have been like if they lived today?

Linked up

Last year at this time I wrote about the 1st annual Tiana Foundation golf tournament. Guess what? The 2nd annual event was just as great! Saturday was a beautiful day and I got to spend it not only supporting a great charity, but I also got to spend several hours with good friends laughing as much as golfing.

The Tiana Foundation has grown quite a bit in the past year and they have been able to support quite a few families in their darkest hour. I'm glad to be able to support this work, but I'm even more proud to have the founders as friends and it's just been incredible to see them both grow through a very hard time into such highly respected people in our community.

In that same post last year, I wrote about our own tough times 5 years ago and about Grace who continues to inspire us all. Here she is playing in our pool a few weeks ago. She is learning how to walk now and is really starting to show a lot more interaction with those around her. We love to see her big smile every week in Club Kangaroo - you should see her light up when Mr. M comes into play harmonica for the kids each week! You may also recognize Grace from a pic last month in my post about our summer vacation - she and Owen have a true bond which never ceases to remind me how of how pure a friendship can be at times.

little stuff

Over the past week, Grant has shown a (spark) of interest in playing baseball. Well, maybe not "playing", more like hitting and thowing the ball. Well, maybe spark is a strong word because his interest lasts for about 2 minutes. But, hey, it's something! He'll go out in the garage and get the plastic bat and ball and present it to me to show me he wants to play (sometimes he will even say 'ball'). He holds the bat pretty well and will hit it if I throw the ball right at the bat. He then switches with me and throws the ball to my bat. Right now, he wants to do this from about 2 feet a way which makes the scene pretty funny looking. After about 2-3 throws/swings he completely loses interest and doesn't want to play anymore. We'll build on that though.

This morning, he groggily walked up to me after waking up (I was making our bed). I said 'Good Morning Grant'. He returned a "Guh morn" - wow! I don't think I've ever heard him respond to that before. Maybe he was so tired he didn't have his autism filter on yet. :)

two a day

Today was an exciting day for Club Kangaroo - two new kids today! We average 6-10 kids on any given Sunday, so two at once is a big deal. Actually, any kid is a big deal! :)

Fortunately, both kids really enjoyed their first Sunday with us. Both of the kids stayed in our self-contained classroom today, although eventually we'll try to transition them into their age-appropriate class with a 'buddy'. We continue to see more and more kids with severe behavioral issues - lashing out, anger, uncontrolled temper - along with an inability to handle "crowds" or "lots of noise". It's nice to know that for at least a couple of hours a week these kids have a safe place to hunker down and feel loved and secure. It's also very rewarding to see the look on the parent's faces when they come back to pick up their child and get a "good report" as well as a smile on their child's face.

After church, we had 3 families over for a BBQ/Pool day - 10 kids and 8 adults total. Everybody had a great time - yeah! It's so fun to watch my own kids in this type of environment; each is so unique and has so much to bring to the party. Cassidy generally tries to fit in with the boys - competitive and playful. A couple of month ago she got the hang of diving, and today she got everybody trying to do a backwards dive. She was just as good, if not better, than any of the boys! Grant did great - the pool is really his equalizer. Although he doesn't "play" the same way as the other kids, he loves to be there with them and he really enjoyed watching us catch the football while diving into the pool. In addition, he continues to amaze us with his persistence in using words. It reminds that we need to be even more persistent in prompting for words in 'every' situation - it has helped so much! Owen is so social - loud, friendly, involving. Although he's just 5, he tried to get involved in the football catch game with the older kids. When he couldn't catch it, he was so upset! He gets so frustrated and is so vocal about it, I can see that will be one of our major parenting challenges over the next few years.

Nothing but kids all day long - what a great day!

Not just the houses

"It's expensive to live here in the Bay Area" - we hear that over and over, ad nauseum. Clearly the housing prices are out of sight, but we're used to that. When we were looking at moving to Raleigh a little over a year ago, comparable houses were a little less than half of what they cost here, and in many cases they were closer to a third of the price.

But, tonight, the cost of living here hit me like never before.

We've got a new pizza place here in town - Sal's Pizza. We hadn't been there yet (we eat pizza 3-4 times a month, it's usually a staple on Friday nights) so I did a quick Google search to get the phone number and a menu. They didn't have the menu online for our new store, but it turns out they have several on the East coast so I checked out their menu. Hey - $9.99 for a large cheese pizza! Very nice! A few minutes later I noticed that they also have a new store in a nearby town, but the cheese pizza is $15.99!

Six Dollars!!!

The pizza is 37% more expensive here than it is on the East coast. Same pizza, same store, 6 bucks more.

Ouch - now I know it IS more expensive to live here!


PS - the pizza was really good! It definitely made it's way into our regular rotation.

Hanging Ten

AutismVox, MomNOS, One March Day...all writing great posts about 10 ways in which they are similar to their children. I've been pondering this for a few hours now; for some reason all I can come up with are ways Grant and I are different. So, I'm going to cheat a bit and list 10 ways I'm similar to each of my kids.

1. Cassidy and I love to sleep in; it's really more than that though. We don't do mornings. Rolling out of bed is probably the hardest thing we do all day. We're generally a bit grumpy for the first 20-30 minutes of the day. Nobody enjoys trying to wake us up in the morning.

2. Grant and I love to swim. Actually, our whole family loves to swim, but I think Grant and I enjoy it the most. Grant looks like he is at peace when he's in the water; there is no stimming, no agitation, no concern. Swimming is a huge release for me; if I'm bottling anything up, it just leaks right out of my pores when I get in the pool. It's impossible to be upset when we are in the pool.

3. Owen and I love to make people laugh. He's the comedian in the family; he can find humor in just about anything and is continually finding new ways to express it. I'm more of the one-liner, dry humor kind of guy, but we both enjoy getting the laugh.

4. Cassidy and I love reading. Similar to Grant's sense of peace in the pool, reading feels that way for me. Watching Cassidy branch out in her reading reminds me so much of myself at that age - read anything and everything all the time!

5. Grant and I love In-N-Out Burger. Ok, this is an entire 'family' love. One of the few things Grant is able to eat 'out' is their fries and he devours them. We eat there just about every Sunday on the way home from church - double double animal style for me, grilled cheese w/ onions for Staci, plain grilled cheese for Cassidy and Owen and fries for all (2 for Grant). MMMMMM :)

6. Owen and I can fall asleep anywhere. Two of my more infamous locations are on the kitchen floor while fixing a dishwasher (Staci woke me up in the morning and I still had the screwdriver in my hand) and sitting at the kitchen island with my forehead on the granite (this was just last week!).

7. Cassidy, Grant, Owen and I love to play video games. For Grant, it's an activity which puts him on a near-level playing field with his siblings. We play together, we play alone, but we all get great enjoyment from it. The Atari 2600 is one of my favorite childhood memories - will the Wii be the same for my kids?

8. Cassidy and I enjoy playing with kids. For whatever reason, we seem to be more comfortable with kids than with people our own age. I've been working in children's ministry for years now, and Cassidy is following right along. She is also assisting a couple of times a week at Grant's speech therapist's office - she's a natural!

9. Grant and I love coffee. I love the taste and the way it clears my fog in the morning. Grant can't drink it, but he is fascinated by how the coffee pot works and he's become quite the little coffee server on Saturday mornings.

10. Owen and I are "the different kids" from our families. I was the middle son but completely different from my two brothers. Owen is the youngest, but his personality is so completely different from Cassidy and Grant's. I'm more 'low key' than my brothers, while Owen is much more animated, 'type A', and fearless than his siblings.

Let me know if you write up your own list of 10!

summer nights

It's been awhile since I've written about Grant riding his bike, it's just been so long since we made any progress. We've had the training wheels back on since October and he's refused to ride without my hand on the bike. But tonight, on a walk/ride to the park with the family, I finally got my hand off the bike. He seemed interested in riding tonight so I really pushed it with him. He kept trying to put my hand on, but I kept moving it about 6 inches off and he kept riding even when he wasn't happy about it. Ah, the tiniest of steps forward, but after all this time, it seems huge.

Aside from the bike, there were several things Grant did tonight which struck me with hope, right between the eyes. It wasn't that long ago that he absolutely refused to wear a helmet. Of course, when he wasn't that interested in the bike to begin with, there wasn't much benefit (to him) to wear the helmet. Then, one day, it was as if God touched him and he just put it on, as if it were never an issue before - and it has never been an issue since. Every time I see him put it on though, I remember how far he's come, and I'll never forget it.

At the park, he did 5 bars on the monkey bars all by himself! I've seen him hang on the bars before, and I've helped him across many times, but tonight he made 5 bars all by himself.

In general, he just plays so well at the park now. Climbing, jumping, sliding, swinging, running - he looks so 'comfortable'. It was just a few short years ago that the park was a major struggle. He didn't want to sit on the swing. He was very unsure walking across the platforms and would often just sit and it wouldn't be long before crying and screaming ensued. A few years and many, many trips to the park later, you would never know he ever had any issues with the park.

To top it off, this evening was a beautiful summer night here in the South Bay - clear, still, warm, and best of all, memorable.

Just the facts

It finally happened. What, you ask? After a year of blogging, I got tagged for a meme, thanks to Jerry over at My Autistic Boy and Other Adventures in Fatherhood. Without further ado...

The rules:
1. Let others know who tagged you.
2. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
3. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
4. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

• I've never worn sunglasses. I've tried them on a few times in the past and they just seem really, really uncomfortable and... dark? Why would anybody want it darker outside when it's nice and sunny?
  
• I've never been drunk. I'm always amazed that this seems to be most people's favorite thing to do, or at least it seems that way. There are a ton of reasons for my lack of experience in this area. 1) I'm cheap. Drinks are expensive. I go about 220 so it would take a lot of drinks to get me drunk and that would cost too much. 2) I've had several relatives with serious drinking problems; I've seen what destruction this can cause and I want no part of it in my life. 3) I don't feel the need to 'escape'. I have a great time with friends just being ourselves, no need to fake it.
  
• My one talent in life is the siren. Ok, this isn't exactly news if you've been reading here for awhile, but I can't really list 8 facts about myself w/o talking about the siren. Last Friday, I let a few loose outside of the Angels game - the reactions are so funny!
  
• We are currently not communicating with my parents. I haven't mentioned this here in my blog; I tend to focus on the positive if I can. The story goes back 18 years to the start of Staci's and my relationship; one of these days I'll write about it. Suffice it to say that the last "episode" so clearly layed bare my mom's true feelings that it just was not healthy for my own wife and kids to have a relationship with her right now.
  
• Today is our 16th wedding anniversary! We had the absolute best dinner at Il Fornaio tonight to celebrate - I love you, Staci!
  
• When it comes to music, I listen to a little of everything but the majority of it is country. Back in the 16-23 year old time frame, I was much more into heavy rock/metal. At some point, it hit me that it really affected the way I thought during the day and how I saw the world. I still enjoy a little Led Zeppelin from time to time, but I try to mostly listen to music that makes me a more enjoyable person to be around.
  
• I love watching movies, but I never remember anything about them; I barely can remember which movies I've seen before. A couple of my good friends are the type that can remember every single movie they've seen and then start quoting lines from a movie they saw years ago. How do they do that!? Another thing about movies I will confess here is that I actually enjoy chick-flicks (did I just say that?). I'm a total sucker for a feel-good movie or a love story.
• I was an English major in college, with a concentration in Career Writing. I thought for sure that I would write, or read - somehow, somewhere - for a living. Somehow I took a detour into the software world and never looked back. I love what I do, but someday...

Now it's my turn to do the tagging - again, my first time. I'll try to pick 8 who have not already posted this meme in their blog:

• Asper...what?
• Autism, a Blog on the Spectrum
• Autism's Edges
  
• Ben's Life Blog
• My Beautiful Child Griffin and Autism
• Stumbling Towards Normal
• HOORAY! I DID IT! WAY TO GO!
• Hidden Recovery Blog
  

Home

We arrived home earlier this evening after a great week-long vacation down on the Southern California coast. It really was a memorable vacation, the kind we will remember fondly for many reasons. Best of all, our good friends (I will call them 'the Funnies' since you can't spend 5 minutes w/ them w/o laughing!) were able to come with us and we all enjoyed the sights and times together. They also have 3 kids, pretty similar in ages to our own. I wrote about Grace briefly, almost a year ago now.

I'll fill in the details over the next few days, but the vacation was all about relaxing, fun, and family time. We spent quite a bit of time at the beach and the pool, two very full days at Disneyland and California Adventure, and we took in a California Angels game on Friday night. Here are a few pics...

Owen and Grace are best buds; they have a bond like no other. Here they are on the patio enjoying the weather while Owen gets a chuckle out of Grace wearing his hat.

We've got a ton of pics from Disneyland, but I think this one is my early favorite. This is the new submarine ride featuring Finding Nemo. I thought for sure Grant would not go down into the submarine, but he did! He was absolutely mesmerized the whole ride; this was one of only a few rides that he wanted to go back and do again.

It's funny because Grant was easily the least excited one of us to be there, but both of my pictures here are of him. I think I'm trying to convince myself that he actually enjoyed it. :)

This is a really cool "redwood park" in California Adventure - ropes, caves, slides, all kinds of cool stuff. I think this was probably his favorite time during the entire 2 days there - he was literally running up and down these rope bridges. I took a ton of pictures trying to capture the smile on his face, but this one seems to capture it best.

Down at the beach, the Funny boys and Cassidy spent a lot of time boogie boarding. Although it's a bit blurry, this was the best action shot I could come up with.

I spent most of my time on the beach with Owen and Grant. While I was trying to snap some pics of the boogie boarders, Owen went off by himself to dig around in the sand. I had to keep looking for him because he became almost completely camouflaged.

Here we are at the Angels game on Friday night. Grant and Grace didn't come (Julie Funny and Staci took them to Cheesecake Factory and they got a table right by the window to see the sunset during dinner, nice!) since they really would not have enjoyed it, so it was the 5 boys and Cassidy.

This was not only Owen's first baseball game, but it was my first trip to a park outside of our local teams' (Giants and A's) parks. Owen became the life of the party around the 5th inning; Zack and Cassidy are cracking up as he screams "Let's Go Angels!". If you look really close, you can see the cotton candy fuzz all over his mouth.

Blessings

I've had this article on global autism on my mind for some months now.

How do you begin to make a difference?

Tonight, we watched "Blood Diamond".

How do you begin to make a difference?

Our world is so vast, and so troubled. I serve. I give. I love. I hurt. But, when kids are dying because they can't communicate... when kids are killing because humans can't communicate... I wonder, how do you begin to make a difference?

These kids - hurting, suffering, dying - could just as well be my kids. Each one was certainly two people's child at one point. It's really up to each of us to use every ounce of our abilities to serve, locally, nationally, or globally.

Part of making a difference, I think, is knowing who you are, what you stand for, and where you come from. Please indulge me... as I thank God for this life I live.

I was born to two loving parents; they've stuck with their marriage through the good and bad times and they've certainly had both. They sacrificed and sent me to private school when they felt it was the best option for me. My in-laws are wonderful people and have been nothing but an encouragement to me from day one.

School came easy. I worked at it, but it came easy. I never had to struggle to learn something new.

Jobs came easy. I've never been out of work for more than a month. My mother-in-law landed me my first job in software, a friend got me in the door for the first "big" software job, and it's been onward and upward ever since. I have had the pleasure of working with wonderful people. I have never had a job where I didn't like the people I worked with. I have nothing but good things to say about every single boss I've ever had.

We live at "home". We feel safe. We have no gates to keep the intruders out and "safety" is far down on the list of worries. We have our own pool where we get to play and refresh ourselves anytime we want.

I've never felt in danger for my life. I've never been ridiculed for my skin color, my religion, or my appearance.

My wife loves me (right!?). After nearly 16 years, we are as committed as we have ever been. We've never had a day where we seriously considered ending our marriage. We're on the same page when it comes to faith, marriage, parenting, and family; while there are plenty of things where we're not on the same page, we've been able to get through those things together.

We have 3 amazing kids. I've bragged about them here for almost a year now. Each is a unique and essential part of our family.

We've been blessed with good teachers. We are able to work through IEPs, for the most part, with the school district. Grant's teachers have worked with us as we've tried various therapies and diets.

We've had the same church home for over 20 years now. Through our hard times, they've supported us. The church has given us ample opportunity to serve God. When we had the dream to start up Club Kangaroo, the church was behind us 100% and we've never heard a single negative thing about it from anybody.

Wow, we are blessed. Incredibly blessed. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of hard issues and conflicts that we deal with all the time, but how can I even list such things in the face of the overwhelming list above? Any issue we have pales in comparison to wasting away in an institution, to starving, to killing, to dying. I know where I come from. I know who I am. I am thankful and grateful to God, my family, and my friends for this life that I lead.

To whom much is given, much is expected. Please don't ever let me forget there are kids in my town, in my area, in my state, in my country, in my world who are in dire need of help. Please don't allow me to squander my blessings; push me to make every effort -

to make a difference.

a little sentiment and a lot of empathy

I can't write anything today without mentioning the weather; it was absolutely beautiful here today. Somewhere in the 80s, a light breeze, deep blue sky - unbeatable. From the morning, when there's just enough cool to bring anticipation for the heat, to the evening when the cool gradually comes back along with the darkness. So how did we enjoy this weather?

We had a garage sale. Ok, usually that's a total pain, but today's was actually pretty good. Along with the usual "little stuff", we had 2 big items that we really, really wanted to sell. One was our old kitchen table which no longer had a place in our home after the kitchen remodel in April. It had been taking up space in our garage, along with its chairs since then and I REALLY wanted that space back. The second was our old entertainment center which had been in the garage for 4 (four!) years. Unlike the table which had only been with us in this house, the entertainment center goes back almost 16 years. Our brother-in-law made it for us as a wedding present (he also made our kitchen cabinets for the remodel) and it was easily our most prized possession at the time. Often when I would see it sitting in the garage, it would take me back to that small apartment and those early times when things were so much easier. It moved with us to our first house and then again to our current house. After so many years, Staci asked me if I was sad to see it go today. I was - for about 5 seconds :) - but I was sure glad to get the space back in the garage too!

After the garage sale, the kids and I spent the rest of the afternoon in the pool soaking up the sun. The pool has been such a fantastic addition, not only does it bring great enjoyment and refreshment, but it brings us ALL together in a way few other things do. Grant fits right in and enjoys doing the same things as the other kids - in the pool. Owen can swim for hours and the water helps bridge the size/age difference between him and his older sister. It's all good.

As for the empathy, last week I got really frustrated with something. I don't even remember what it is now, although it was probably something Owen wasn't doing (or was doing). But, I do remember the effects it had on the boys. Grant looked at me and reached his hands up at me to wipe my eyes, although I wasn't crying he knew I was upset. He's done this a couple times in the past few weeks, and it's so wonderful to see him empathize. He rubbed his fingers on my eyes roughly and with a lot of pressure as if to remove the pain. As I went upstairs, Owen tagged along and took me to his room. "Daddy, let's play. I don't want you to be frustrated." We proceeded to play a few games and do some coloring until he was sure I was ok. Unlike Grant, he was able to use words and interaction to show his empathy. Grant, like Owen, used his skills to the best of his ability, each going a bit above and beyond what they had done in the past and each showing that they loved me in their own special way.