am I going to die?

For whatever reason, Owen has had a few stys in his lower eye lid over the years. Usually, they go away with either a hot compress or some ointment. However, for the past few months, what appeared to be a sty got a little too big and we had to get it checked out.

The doc's response - hmmm, I'm not sure what that is, better get it checked by a specialist. Well, that's not what we wanted to hear!

So, a few weeks back we took him to a pediatric ophthalmologist (what a mouthful that is!) to get it checked out. He was fantastic in the office, pretty amazing really. He sat right up in the big chair, put his face in the "eye checking machine" and did everything the doc told him to. The diagnosis? Whew, nothing serious. She said it is a sty that has burst, then another grew on top of it, and maybe even a 3rd time. Unfortunately though, the only way to get rid of it is to cut it out.

Cut? In his eye? And, to top it off, the doc said that we would need 2 strong people who are not afraid of blood to hold him still while she works on his eye.

Umm.. Ok. Hmmm.. Can't wait for that.

Tuesday was the big day. Cut day. We tried our best to prepare him but of course he really had no idea what was in store for him. Staci was very prepared; she had a new stuffed gorilla for him to hold during the procedure and a transformer for after the procedure was done. Once again, he hopped right in the chair and allowed the doc to poke and prod. But then it was time to start.

Staci lay in the reclined chair and wrapped her arms and legs around Owen to hold his body still. I was behind him and in charge of holding his head still.

As soon as the disinfectant drops reached his eyes, it was all over. Tears. Screams. Struggle. And now, time for the sharp instruments. With his head firmly in my hands, the doc inserted a needle in his lower eye lid to numb it. The sight of his eyelid puffing full of liquid was a sight I will never forget.

While he is still screaming, the doc pulls his eyelid back in a tool to hold it in place. She then whips out a small scalpel/knife and starts lancing the sty. It takes a few cuts to completely remove it, but while this is happening, Owen is getting much more concerned. "Will I ever see again?" "Please make her stop!"

"Am I going to die?"

From a 5 year old? We all stopped and looked at him when he popped this line out. Where could he possibly have gotten this fear? This concept? I'm still stunned by the depth of his fear at that moment and the unspoken thoughts that must have been rushing through his head. As the doc applied a bandage over his eye, he saw a little of the blood and became even more concerned about losing his sight. In a manner of just seconds, he went from fighting the bandage to not wanting to take it off. He was so scared that taking it off would cause more pain or would cause a problem with this eye.

As the day went on, he was very comfortable with his bandage. Grant was quite curious about it but did not try to remove it from Owen's face. Finally, Staci was able to remove the bandage at bath time; he finally understood that it was ok to remove it and he was tired enough at that point that he didn't give up a fight.

Fortunately, there have been no complications and there have been no more concerns about death. But what an adventure into the mind of a 5 year old!