Confluence of families

We did it, and it was a complete success! As previously advertised, we held our first respite night for special needs family at our church on Friday night. The numbers (32 kids, 19 families, and over 60 volunteers!) are astounding to me, but the night... it wasn't so much a life-altering night, it was a life-defining night.

Rather than review the event and evening, allow me to share a few moments.

Our church was behind this event a million percent, and I can even begin to say how humbled I am by that. Financially, we were able to provide each parent/couple with a gift bag containing a $25 dinner gift card and a $10 ice cream gift card. Socially, we were able to provide each parent/couple with time off - 3 hours on their own w/ no kids. However, even more exciting to me was the joining together of our community - there were at least 4 other churches represented and...

Our very first arrival was a "walk-in" - they had not pre-registered and had only that day heard about the event from their OT, one of our volunteers. A dad, two older NT boys, and their daughter with CP. The dad was able to take the boys out to the movies for a boys' night out. The young lady enjoyed her evening with her buddies, an older couple who wheeled her around from event to event throughout the evening.

Our own Club members were some of the ones we were most concerned about from a behavior and escaping standpoint. All of them did incredibly well with their buddies, although I'm sure the adults might still be sleeping. :)

The surprise, and possibly MVP, of the night, was Joe. From a few weeks ago, mentioning "I'll be there if you need me" to becoming the impromptu MC ringleader last night. At first, he was hanging out by the inflatable Twister and there wasn't much going on there, I sensed that he was wondering if he should really be there. But soon, there were more and more kids around him. He found the microphone and soon kids were singing songs into the microphone. He heard a young baby crying and became super-Dad - after walking around and soothing the baby for about 10 minutes, he finally fell asleep peacefully on Joe's shoulder. Many people remarked to me afterwards that Joe was such an example of what the night meant to them - wow!

The buddies, as a whole, impressed me to no end. At no time was anybody frustrated, nobody complained, and we had no issues. It was just about loving the kids last night and I just kept looking around thinking 'if only this kind of love could spread infectiously throughout the community, day to day, hour to hour'.

We had kids with any number of "disabilities". We had their NT siblings ready for a good time in the gym. We had young volunteers. We had old volunteers. We had Christians and we had non-Christians. Last night, they all came together. There were no differences. Young played with old. Child played with child. There were no walls, there was no separation. There was only, for 3 hours on a Friday evening, love.

Just here to help

(has it really been almost a month since my last post? inexcusable...)

First, let me invite everybody (well, everybody who will be in the Bay Area on Feb. 29) to our first Club Kangaroo respite event. All special needs kids and their siblings are invited - we will all be having fun while the parents get to go out on a Friday night all by themselves. Even if you can't come, please do forward this to anybody you know who can use it. It may be easier to just send them this link: http://www.bethel.org/ChildrensMinistries_ClubKangaroo.htm



Today was a great day in Club K - in the way that great days are often the hardest days. There have been many Sundays where we just have a few kids, or even just our own kids, and it's very easy. But even though we often have a good time on those days, we go home feeling like we really didn't do our job.

Today, we did our job.

We had a new boy today; we were all excited about it since his mom had prepared us 'for the worst'. He's on the spectrum and apparently has some of the same issues that our other boy members have - anger, violence, no patience, very little attention span, etc. His mom hung out in the class for the first hour, but we encouraged her to leave him in the 2nd hour. It took a while but she snuck out while he was occupied and he did great! We had 2 other boys with powder keg personalities, so it was 90 minutes that was harder on us than any normal work day. We've recently instituted a very scheduled approach to the class and it has been so helpful. The kids know what to expect and when things are going to change; not only that, but they know when a particular activity is going to end as well. We've been so much more productive this way and it makes it much easier on all of us as well. Cassidy and a few others did a puppet show on David and Goliath - little did they know I had prepared all of the kids with foam balls so when it was time to throw the rocks at Goliath, all of the kids threw the balls! Although there was a lot going on the entire time, everybody did really good and I am just so impressed with the team and with the kids.

Although we love playing with the kids, and it is just incredibly satisfying to see the progress they have made over time, it is even more exciting to see the parents (single, married, grandparents, and every combination you can think of) get a couple of hours of 'me time' to meet people, grow friendships, learn, and hopefully start the week fresh and rested. Hopefully we can do a little more of the same with our respite event.

Notes from a Sunday

It's so easy, too easy, to get "caught up" in the world of Grant - the good, the bad, the unknown. Certainly that's what is expected of us, after all we are special needs parents and that is soooo hard, right? For that matter, we could spend all our spare time researching autism therapies, let alone practicing and implementing them. Even in my writing here, 95% of it is about him and the other 2 kids don't get their fair share.

Sunday was a great example of why we try not to live our lives that way.

Each Sunday, we get to experience Club Kangaroo - one of the most challenging and yet rewarding experiences of our lives. It is our great challenge to provide a place where these kids can come and feel safe, feel loved, have fun, and even learn a little. In addition, we're there to support the parents not only by being there for a couple of hours a week but to give them a little emotional boost as well. Some times, it's just a quiet, peaceful time. And other times, like this Sunday, it's like playing a game of Perfection. The clock is ticking and that box is ready to pop when you are least ready for it. All the while, we're trying to put the right piece in the right slot and when we put it in the wrong spot, the box is almost certainly going to pop up and scatter the pieces all over the place.

There are also times when the rewards are so obvious. For example, the grandfather of a boy in our class walked up to me before service and said, "Steve, I've got a reason to praise God."
"Why is that?" I asked, hoping to hear a good story about his grandson's week.
"Every time I see you, I praise God for you and what you are doing."

What an incredibly uplifting and encouraging thing to hear! I'm not one to remember quotes or famous movie lines, but those words will stick with me forever.

During service, we had a full house in the class. While it was quite exhausting, it was also a great time to reflect on how far each of the kids has come in a short period of time. Each one had a moment which could have resulted in a meltdown, an anger episode, loss of control - you name it. But each one was able to get past that moment, to take just enough control that they didn't lose it. Each one had awareness of the situation and held back before they went too far. At the same time, 3 of them journeyed with us to children's church on a bit of a field trip. Most of the kids have trouble dealing with the noise, the action, the unpredictability, etc. But, we're all slowly learning how to prepare for that time, and how to cut it short when it's clear that it's not going to last.

Those are just a few of the reasons why we try not to get caught up in the world of Grant but instead try to give more than we can take. We have learned so much by working with, playing with, and loving these kids. We are very, very fortunate to be involved in their lives.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! You didn't really think I was going to end a weekend post without some Grant stories did you? Here are just a few from the world of Grant -

-While he was playing in his room instead of getting dressed in the morning, Staci walked in and reminded him, "Grant, after church today we'll get fries. You need to get dressed if you want fries later." He immediately got dressed! His listening ability has come so far; it still shocks us.
-Grant took his longest bike ride ever and he did great! It was really the first time that we've had to ride for and extended period on a sidewalk and he didn't have any problem with it. He's continuing to ride without my hand on the bike - great stuff.
-As we were all getting in the car in the morning, he asked for "book". He had picked out a book the previous night at a school fundraiser, Good Night, Gorilla. He was able to communicate his desire before we left the house; that means no crying and screaming in the car. And he wanted a book!
-At the video store in the afternoon, it became pretty clear that he was going to need the bathroom pretty soon. Rather than just hop around in the potty dance, he used his words all on his own, "I want bathroom."

two a day

Today was an exciting day for Club Kangaroo - two new kids today! We average 6-10 kids on any given Sunday, so two at once is a big deal. Actually, any kid is a big deal! :)

Fortunately, both kids really enjoyed their first Sunday with us. Both of the kids stayed in our self-contained classroom today, although eventually we'll try to transition them into their age-appropriate class with a 'buddy'. We continue to see more and more kids with severe behavioral issues - lashing out, anger, uncontrolled temper - along with an inability to handle "crowds" or "lots of noise". It's nice to know that for at least a couple of hours a week these kids have a safe place to hunker down and feel loved and secure. It's also very rewarding to see the look on the parent's faces when they come back to pick up their child and get a "good report" as well as a smile on their child's face.

After church, we had 3 families over for a BBQ/Pool day - 10 kids and 8 adults total. Everybody had a great time - yeah! It's so fun to watch my own kids in this type of environment; each is so unique and has so much to bring to the party. Cassidy generally tries to fit in with the boys - competitive and playful. A couple of month ago she got the hang of diving, and today she got everybody trying to do a backwards dive. She was just as good, if not better, than any of the boys! Grant did great - the pool is really his equalizer. Although he doesn't "play" the same way as the other kids, he loves to be there with them and he really enjoyed watching us catch the football while diving into the pool. In addition, he continues to amaze us with his persistence in using words. It reminds that we need to be even more persistent in prompting for words in 'every' situation - it has helped so much! Owen is so social - loud, friendly, involving. Although he's just 5, he tried to get involved in the football catch game with the older kids. When he couldn't catch it, he was so upset! He gets so frustrated and is so vocal about it, I can see that will be one of our major parenting challenges over the next few years.

Nothing but kids all day long - what a great day!

Blessings

I've had this article on global autism on my mind for some months now.

How do you begin to make a difference?

Tonight, we watched "Blood Diamond".

How do you begin to make a difference?

Our world is so vast, and so troubled. I serve. I give. I love. I hurt. But, when kids are dying because they can't communicate... when kids are killing because humans can't communicate... I wonder, how do you begin to make a difference?

These kids - hurting, suffering, dying - could just as well be my kids. Each one was certainly two people's child at one point. It's really up to each of us to use every ounce of our abilities to serve, locally, nationally, or globally.

Part of making a difference, I think, is knowing who you are, what you stand for, and where you come from. Please indulge me... as I thank God for this life I live.

I was born to two loving parents; they've stuck with their marriage through the good and bad times and they've certainly had both. They sacrificed and sent me to private school when they felt it was the best option for me. My in-laws are wonderful people and have been nothing but an encouragement to me from day one.

School came easy. I worked at it, but it came easy. I never had to struggle to learn something new.

Jobs came easy. I've never been out of work for more than a month. My mother-in-law landed me my first job in software, a friend got me in the door for the first "big" software job, and it's been onward and upward ever since. I have had the pleasure of working with wonderful people. I have never had a job where I didn't like the people I worked with. I have nothing but good things to say about every single boss I've ever had.

We live at "home". We feel safe. We have no gates to keep the intruders out and "safety" is far down on the list of worries. We have our own pool where we get to play and refresh ourselves anytime we want.

I've never felt in danger for my life. I've never been ridiculed for my skin color, my religion, or my appearance.

My wife loves me (right!?). After nearly 16 years, we are as committed as we have ever been. We've never had a day where we seriously considered ending our marriage. We're on the same page when it comes to faith, marriage, parenting, and family; while there are plenty of things where we're not on the same page, we've been able to get through those things together.

We have 3 amazing kids. I've bragged about them here for almost a year now. Each is a unique and essential part of our family.

We've been blessed with good teachers. We are able to work through IEPs, for the most part, with the school district. Grant's teachers have worked with us as we've tried various therapies and diets.

We've had the same church home for over 20 years now. Through our hard times, they've supported us. The church has given us ample opportunity to serve God. When we had the dream to start up Club Kangaroo, the church was behind us 100% and we've never heard a single negative thing about it from anybody.

Wow, we are blessed. Incredibly blessed. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of hard issues and conflicts that we deal with all the time, but how can I even list such things in the face of the overwhelming list above? Any issue we have pales in comparison to wasting away in an institution, to starving, to killing, to dying. I know where I come from. I know who I am. I am thankful and grateful to God, my family, and my friends for this life that I lead.

To whom much is given, much is expected. Please don't ever let me forget there are kids in my town, in my area, in my state, in my country, in my world who are in dire need of help. Please don't allow me to squander my blessings; push me to make every effort -

to make a difference.

We get by with a little help for our friends

Club Kangaroo continues to roll along, with each Sunday bringing new teaching and learning experiences for all of us. It is so uplifting and satisfying to watch our younger helpers (5/6th grade) take on the responsibility of assisting kids with special needs. As the weeks go by, the confidence grows in each of these helpers as does their love for "their" kids. However, it only starts there. The club kids themselves, especially those on the spectrum, have all shown "improvement" in the classrooms and in their interactions with their buddies. The parents are more at ease because they can go into service and not worry about their child; further, when they pick up their child, they aren't hearing the "negative". Of course there are tough times, but when we step back and look at it as a whole, it is so exciting!

So, since things are going well, it's time to take the next big step - it's time for outreach. We could come up with 100 excuses, but it's time to actively invite the community around our church to enjoy the benefits of Club Kangaroo. We've already seen parents come who had previously not gone to church because they didn't believe there was a place for their child. How wonderful it would be to meet more families like this and really give them a place of respite each week.

Speaking of respite, we work with Green Pastures who brings churches in the area together who are serving those with disabilities/special needs. We had a great meeting last night in which several churches shared how their ministries are growing, how the kids are doing, how the helpers doing, and so on. And of course, we all shared our ever-present need for more volunteers. We also heard from Joni and Friends about their family summer camps; if you need to get away with the whole family, check it out!

Green Pastures hosts a respite event each month at a local church - here are the next few:
March 10, 1-5, at First Baptist in San Mateo

April 14 at Grace Lutheran in Palo Alto

May 5 at Saratoga Federated in Saratoga

June 2 at Los Altos United Methodist

If you live in the South Bay and would like an afternoon of respite, please feel free to email me, or contact Green Pastures to reserve a spot.

Also, if you are in the South Bay and would like to go to church - your child is welcome! Please feel free to come to Bethel Church in San Jose. Here are some of the other churches in the area with similar ministries (that we know about):
Great Exchange Covenant Church (Santa Clara, CA)
Saratoga Federated (Saratoga, CA)
Crosswinds Church (Dublin, CA)
Calvary Church (Los Gatos, CA)
Abundant Life Christian Fellowship (Mountain View, CA)

Catching up

Sometimes time flies so quickly by it seems like the clock hands are going to spin right off the wall. Before I let them spin any faster, here are some happenings from this week.

After our team meeting last Thursday, I decided it was time to put training wheels back on Grant's bike. It's been far too long since we made any progress and we just needed to start over again. Earlier in the week, I had made just the opposite decision for Owen and had taken his training wheels off. While I was driving home on Friday, I must have had a really bad reaction to lunch because I thought I would be able to take the boys to the park on their bikes. In a moment of delirium, I figured Grant would just magically take to his new training wheels and I would be able to hold Owen's bike while he learned the trick of riding on two wheels. Um, no. Grant still did not want me to let go of the bike so, for the most part, I ended up walking/running to the park holding the back of Grant's bike while also holding on to Owen's little bike (w/o training wheels). Needless to say, my back will never be the same.

On Sunday, I had the opportunity to speak to the congregation about Club Kangaroo. Pastor was teaching on parenting and he wanted to highlight Club Kangaroo as an example of how we are supporting both parents and kids. I probably was not quite as prepared as I could have been, but the response was really great. We had 3 new requests for helper applications, and one new application for a child. Great stuff!

Sunday was also a day of hard work (Sabbath anyone?) since the pool guys were supposed to fill in the trenches with dirt so the concrete work could begin on Monday. Since that didn't happen and we didn't want to delay our concrete work, I spent about 5 hours digging, swinging the pick, spreading, and moving dirt around the back yard. My back was already on the verge of meltdown from Friday's bike escapade, but we got the job done and work has been going strong on the concrete this week. Hopefully we'll have something to take pictures of by the end of the week and I'll post them here.

Today, one of Grant's paras was eager to tell me a "Grant story" when I dropped him off this morning. On Monday at recess, he initiated involvement with a group of boys who were playing with a ball. All on his own, he went up to them (wow!). They were nice enough (yeah!) to hand him the ball and ask if he wanted to play. Apparently, it looked like he was going to run away with the ball, but then he turned around and threw it back to them. They bounced the ball to him and it caught his finger and bent it back (ouch!). He didn't play any more after that, but what a wonderful new experience for him!

Club Kangaroo - the beginning

Next week will be 5 months since Club Kangaroo's first Sunday. I'll have to figure out a way to throw a celebration here on the Siren blog for the 6th mensiversary (that's a new word I just learned!).

Although it's been 5 months since we started, it's been just over a year since our journey began. Here's our story.

During the summer of 2005, we began to seriously consider moving out of California. Both of us had been born here, gone to school here, made friends here, had family here, got married here, had our kids here, and so on.... In addition, neither of us are risk-takers, and moving - to us - was the one of the ultimate risks. So why?

Real Estate is expensive here - just living here is expensive. Do a search if you don't believe me. The school system used to be great - about 40 years ago. The infrastructure of California used to be great - about 40 years ago. Ok, you can probably say that about a lot of places, right? Those reasons by themselves are no reason to leave home. But in combination, our plan became:

• sell our home here
• move someplace "better"
• reduce our mortgage to almost nothing
• leave the "tech" career and become an elementary school teacher
• Have enough money to do what was best for Grant, and plan for all of their education.
  

After a lot of research, we decided on Raleigh, NC as that "better" place, meeting our criteria of:

• Good weather - no freezing winters!
• Good/Great schools, especially special ed.
  
• Affordable Housing
• Good job market
  
• Good community
• Near water, and not too far from the beach.

And, in September, the two of us took a road trip! After all, if we were really going to get serious about this place, we better see if we liked it, right? Prior to our trip, we thought it would be great to visit a church while we were out there. Although we were getting information from various sources, I actually ran across an online newspaper article about a church with a special needs program! How cool! We had never heard of such a program, but it certainly sounded perfect for us.

Our trip to Raleigh went way better than we had expected. I was sure that Staci would find a few reasons not to move, and so was she. But we were both wrong, and we were quickly becoming excited about our big life change. Our trip to Crossroads Church was a highlight as well. If you are ever looking for a church in Raleigh, check it out! We felt welcome on our first and only trip there. We didn't get a chance to speak with the leaders of the special needs program, but we did get to check out the children's programs - we just felt so at home!

Over the next 3 months, and into the beginning of 2006, we just kept waffling back and forth. Yes, we're moving! No, we can't do that- it's too nuts! How will we survive without our extended family?

And then, the moment of revelation. We were having dinner with our Children's Pastors (I've been working in our Children's Church for about 8 years now) and talking about the move. It suddenly became so clear, to both Staci and I, that this whole "move journey" was about one thing - we were to start a program at our church for special needs kids! It was so instant, and so clear, that it could only have been God speaking to us. The Children's Pastors were so excited to hear us proclaim this decision, right there at the dinner table; they had been praying for someone to start such a program for over 2 years. No more move - no more indecision. On to His plan...

It is a wonderful place to be where you know you are doing what you've been called to do - this is how we both feel about starting and leading Club Kangaroo. In future posts, perhaps on the 6th mensiversary, I'll detail how we got started and how the Club is progressing.

Club Kangaroo

On Sunday, you'll find us at church, and at church, you'll find us at Club Kangaroo.

I guess it's been about 3 months now since CK officially started, but I think God's been planting the seed for quite some time. CK is our program for special needs kids. We have a classroom for those kids aren't able to be in a classroom for any reason (and there are a wide variety of reasons), and we have one-on-one buddies for the kids who are able to be in a class. It has been such an incredible experience to serve in this way, and we certainly hope to do it for a long time.

As parents, we know how hard it is to bring your autistic child somewhere, including church, and hope that they can "make it". It really isn't fair to either the child, or to the volunteer staff. So, we started CK with the strong backing, encouragement and full support from the pastoral staff, especially the children's pastors and the senior paster. In addition, we team up with a great couple as we each lead one of the two services, and our volunteers have been just incredible.

I wish you could see the joy, the relief, on a parent's face when they realize that they can drop their child off and know that this child will have someone's full attention, teaching them, playing with them, and protecting them. Even more exciting, we see the children grow in an environment tailored directly for them.

Club Kangaroo on Sundays - what a cool place!