inches from tragedy

What might have happened - a thousand possibilities flood my mind. What might have happened... but it didn't. And tragedy, utter tragedy, was narrowly averted.

It was a morning like all the others, a school day like every other school day. The same schedule, the same routine. Get the kids breakfast, make the kids lunch, get myself ready, brush the kids hair, brush their teeth, get their shoes on, get them out the door. She takes Owen, I take Grant. So far so good.

At this point every day, I open the garage door and Grant goes to get the newspaper. While I back the car out, he gets the paper and then gets in the car. But today, I went to back the car out and felt a

THUMP

"oh God what was that!!!!" I could only think that the car was on top of him so I snapped it back in drive and sped forward. I didn't feel another thump on the way back. I flew out of the car only to hear him screaming and laying on the ground. Somehow, for some reason, he had sat on the driveway, his body hidden from my view but his legs stretched just far enough to be run over.

He was screaming and grabbing his leg - again a thousand thoughts flooded through me. Thank God he is alive! Please let his leg be OK! I felt along his leg and didn't feel an obvious break. I picked him and the leg didn't hang at an odd angle. A quick inspection showed I got just one of his legs and it wasn't bleeding but it was definitely roughed up.

I held him close, trying to take some of the pain and shock away. Of course he could tell me nothing. What happened? Why were you there? Where does it hurt? Can you feel your toes? Nothing, no answers - what madness this autism can be at times like this! I got him to put a little weight on his leg to see if he could walk - he had a heavy limp but it looked like he could put all of his weight on it. Whew! Ok, what next - gotta call Staci! Do we rush to the emergency room? What's the right thing to do?

I called Staci who was fortunately just down the street after dropping off Owen. She was back in seconds and held her composure amazingly well. Both of us were a bit frantic yet calm and we decided to call the pediatrician. The answering service paged him and he agreed to meet us right away. Unfortunately, their office had just moved and they are now about 30 minutes away! By now, Grant was becoming quite lethargic and was shivering. Staci covered him with a blanket and took off for the doctor.

The doc did not feel any major problems but said we needed an x-ray. Grant, get an x-ray? and in this condition? But, thankfully, he was amazingly calm in the x-ray room and didn't make a peep or move at all. The x-ray was negative - no breaks or fractures!!

A couple of feet either way and I might have killed him. I could have run over his belly, or his head, or crushed his foot or knee. But the tire went right over the calf area and caused only skin abrasions. I can't begin to imagine what could have been - life without Grant. For all the hardship, he brings a light into our lives that is unmatched in its brilliance. The love that we communicate with hugs, kisses, and eye contact can often say more than a million words.

And we still have him here with us, if only by the grace of God.

Tomorrow, and every day after that, we will be thankful. And the new rule for pulling the car out is - don't drive until you can see the whites of their eyes.

Confluence of families

We did it, and it was a complete success! As previously advertised, we held our first respite night for special needs family at our church on Friday night. The numbers (32 kids, 19 families, and over 60 volunteers!) are astounding to me, but the night... it wasn't so much a life-altering night, it was a life-defining night.

Rather than review the event and evening, allow me to share a few moments.

Our church was behind this event a million percent, and I can even begin to say how humbled I am by that. Financially, we were able to provide each parent/couple with a gift bag containing a $25 dinner gift card and a $10 ice cream gift card. Socially, we were able to provide each parent/couple with time off - 3 hours on their own w/ no kids. However, even more exciting to me was the joining together of our community - there were at least 4 other churches represented and...

Our very first arrival was a "walk-in" - they had not pre-registered and had only that day heard about the event from their OT, one of our volunteers. A dad, two older NT boys, and their daughter with CP. The dad was able to take the boys out to the movies for a boys' night out. The young lady enjoyed her evening with her buddies, an older couple who wheeled her around from event to event throughout the evening.

Our own Club members were some of the ones we were most concerned about from a behavior and escaping standpoint. All of them did incredibly well with their buddies, although I'm sure the adults might still be sleeping. :)

The surprise, and possibly MVP, of the night, was Joe. From a few weeks ago, mentioning "I'll be there if you need me" to becoming the impromptu MC ringleader last night. At first, he was hanging out by the inflatable Twister and there wasn't much going on there, I sensed that he was wondering if he should really be there. But soon, there were more and more kids around him. He found the microphone and soon kids were singing songs into the microphone. He heard a young baby crying and became super-Dad - after walking around and soothing the baby for about 10 minutes, he finally fell asleep peacefully on Joe's shoulder. Many people remarked to me afterwards that Joe was such an example of what the night meant to them - wow!

The buddies, as a whole, impressed me to no end. At no time was anybody frustrated, nobody complained, and we had no issues. It was just about loving the kids last night and I just kept looking around thinking 'if only this kind of love could spread infectiously throughout the community, day to day, hour to hour'.

We had kids with any number of "disabilities". We had their NT siblings ready for a good time in the gym. We had young volunteers. We had old volunteers. We had Christians and we had non-Christians. Last night, they all came together. There were no differences. Young played with old. Child played with child. There were no walls, there was no separation. There was only, for 3 hours on a Friday evening, love.

An anniversary for us geeks

Hearing the news today of the 25th anniversary of the Commodore 64 brought the memories flooding back... I haven't written about this much, if at all, but I'm a hopeless tech geek. And it all started the day my Dad brought home the C64. I tore into the User's manual and starting writing BASIC, then the Reference Guide which probably became the most worn book I've ever owned (and that's saying something). I was completely fascinated not only by what others were doing with it, but what I could do with it. Hundreds and hundreds of hours of my Sophomore and Junior years were spent in front of that keyboard, and it's not an understatement to say my life today would be completely different without it.

Thanks, Dad - who would have thought that one purchase would have had such an effect on me and my future. And thanks, Commodore, for making that 1st useful, affordable computer!

Mornings

Ugh, I hate mornings - always have. Getting out of bed has always been one of the hardest things for me to do. In a perfect world, I'd wake up and have about 30 minutes to clear the fog before having to set a foot on the floor. In my real world, the kids are pulling me out of bed and the fog often lasts until lunch time.

But.

One of my favorite parts of my day is taking Grant to school - in the morning. I can't even write that without smiling because it was just a few short years ago that it was my hardest part of the day. Those first 3 years of school mornings, were... well, that's another post entirely. The next 2 were much better, but still difficult because I had Owen with me while getting Grant to his class. This year, however, it's just me and Grant. This is a good thing.

Grant is able to sit in the front seat of the car now, so as we drive I talk about the things we see and about how school will go today. Most days, he will name his favorite things that he sees along the way - corn, barn, cows. I believe he comprehends 90% of what I'm saying, but I have absolutely no idea how he processes that information. If he is processing it in a similar way to you and I, how utterly frustrating that must be to not reciprocate his thoughts and feelings. I have no idea if he likes or doesn't like any or all of the kids in his class (or does he care?). But, before we know it, we're at school trying to scrounge up a parking space so we can walk to his class. This year, we've been on time each and every day - incredible! Even the morning that my battery was dead, we still got the car jumped and got to class before the bell rang.

The class schedule is a good mix between highly scheduled activities and opportunities to break up the schedule. The morning is one of the highly scheduled times - come in, grab a book, and read until it's time to start class. This is my time. I exchange greetings with his teacher and the paras who are in the room, and also with the parents as they drop off their children. My favorite part, though, is getting to know the kids themselves. Because Grant is doing so well in the morning and since I don't have Owen with me, I'm able to spend a little more time in the class and talk to the kids. We have a new kid in the class this year, J., who talks quite well and can easily converse and share his ideas and thoughts. I love to hear his stories and his opinion of various topics - toys, his sister, his dad's job, etc. While I'm talking to J., I kneel next to Grant's desk and read along with him. I try to get him to label things, or I try to get him interested in the story being told.

At the same time, I say 'hi' to each of the other kids. One boy who has been with Grant since the beginning, always says 'hi Grant's Dad'. Lately, he's been addressing me before I say 'hi' to him - great stuff. He is definitely farther along on the language train than Grant. The other kids give me all sorts of different reactions, as you would expect. R. speaks very quietly and has almost no eye contact. G. almost always gives me a smile when I talk to him; I can see a glimmer in his eye and I think he's going to be a real character when he grows up. D. has just recently starting copying R. and now says 'hi Grant's Dad' too. There are a few others that generally show up a little later and I don't get to talk to them much.

Before I know it, the bell has rung and Mrs. J. is heading towards the front of the classroom to start group time. I say 'bye Grant' and he says 'bye, Daddy' - this always puts a smile on my face as I say bye to everybody and head out the door for a day at the office. The joy I experience in the morning these days wouldn't be the same without the struggles and discouragement I had with Grant in earlier years. Now, if I could just learn how to get out of bed...

Blessings

I've had this article on global autism on my mind for some months now.

How do you begin to make a difference?

Tonight, we watched "Blood Diamond".

How do you begin to make a difference?

Our world is so vast, and so troubled. I serve. I give. I love. I hurt. But, when kids are dying because they can't communicate... when kids are killing because humans can't communicate... I wonder, how do you begin to make a difference?

These kids - hurting, suffering, dying - could just as well be my kids. Each one was certainly two people's child at one point. It's really up to each of us to use every ounce of our abilities to serve, locally, nationally, or globally.

Part of making a difference, I think, is knowing who you are, what you stand for, and where you come from. Please indulge me... as I thank God for this life I live.

I was born to two loving parents; they've stuck with their marriage through the good and bad times and they've certainly had both. They sacrificed and sent me to private school when they felt it was the best option for me. My in-laws are wonderful people and have been nothing but an encouragement to me from day one.

School came easy. I worked at it, but it came easy. I never had to struggle to learn something new.

Jobs came easy. I've never been out of work for more than a month. My mother-in-law landed me my first job in software, a friend got me in the door for the first "big" software job, and it's been onward and upward ever since. I have had the pleasure of working with wonderful people. I have never had a job where I didn't like the people I worked with. I have nothing but good things to say about every single boss I've ever had.

We live at "home". We feel safe. We have no gates to keep the intruders out and "safety" is far down on the list of worries. We have our own pool where we get to play and refresh ourselves anytime we want.

I've never felt in danger for my life. I've never been ridiculed for my skin color, my religion, or my appearance.

My wife loves me (right!?). After nearly 16 years, we are as committed as we have ever been. We've never had a day where we seriously considered ending our marriage. We're on the same page when it comes to faith, marriage, parenting, and family; while there are plenty of things where we're not on the same page, we've been able to get through those things together.

We have 3 amazing kids. I've bragged about them here for almost a year now. Each is a unique and essential part of our family.

We've been blessed with good teachers. We are able to work through IEPs, for the most part, with the school district. Grant's teachers have worked with us as we've tried various therapies and diets.

We've had the same church home for over 20 years now. Through our hard times, they've supported us. The church has given us ample opportunity to serve God. When we had the dream to start up Club Kangaroo, the church was behind us 100% and we've never heard a single negative thing about it from anybody.

Wow, we are blessed. Incredibly blessed. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of hard issues and conflicts that we deal with all the time, but how can I even list such things in the face of the overwhelming list above? Any issue we have pales in comparison to wasting away in an institution, to starving, to killing, to dying. I know where I come from. I know who I am. I am thankful and grateful to God, my family, and my friends for this life that I lead.

To whom much is given, much is expected. Please don't ever let me forget there are kids in my town, in my area, in my state, in my country, in my world who are in dire need of help. Please don't allow me to squander my blessings; push me to make every effort -

to make a difference.