It's about time

Here in sunny California, maybe it just seems like it has been raining all year. Last week was no different. But it wasn't going to stop us.

Saturday, I had one goal - Owen was going to ride his bike on two wheels by the end of the weekend. We've been playing at it since Christmas when he got his new bike. I had thought he would be one of those kids who hopped on and took off - not to be. The funny thing is - it's not lack of skill or coordination and it's not lack of desire.

It's just Owen being stubborn. Saturday was a perfect example. I tried to get him all pumped up - just me and you Owen! you'll be a big boy on two wheels! this is our project! You know what he came back with? Dad, I just want to ride my scooter today.

I didn't give up though. I was watching the weather and I could tell we were going to have a window, maybe a couple of hours, and that would be it. I kept working him until I finally had him convinced it was his idea - then he was excited! We got out the door and onto his bike - the clouds were there and the window was closing. My little stubborn guy pulled every stunt, but I stayed patient (mostly) and worked at coming up with motivating ideas. He finally seemed to respond to '5 laps around the schoolyard and then 5 minutes on the playground'. Before long he didn't even know I had let go of the bar on the back of his bike, he did a full lap by himself and then he wanted to ride over to the park. He rode all the way over with me running behind him, and after the park, he rode all the way home. He did it! He's on two wheels by himself now - the only things left are mastering starting and stopping. It rained the rest of the weekend and we never got another chance to go out, but he did it!

Grant has been doing fantastic on his bike as well. I didn't take him out this weekend so that I could concentrate on Owen, but Grant has been riding on his own for past 4-5 weeks (with training wheels). I can run ahead of him, or behind him, and he no longer has that need for me to be right there next to him. He is focusing. He's keeping his feet moving. He's staying on the path. I am so excited by this - everytime I think about it, the tears well up in the corners of my eyes. He has come SO far and the progress these past several weeks gives me so much hope.

I was telling Cassidy that with Owen now riding on two wheels, I just might be able to get on my own bike again. Her jaw dropped when I told her it has been 6 years (years!) since I've been able to ride my bike with the kids. Between teaching Grant how to ride, and then most recently getting Owen going on 2 wheels, I've been running alongside a bike for a very, very long time now. The dream - going on a family bike ride - is within my sights. Even 4 months ago, this was still a pipe dream. But now, I know, by summer this is going to be reality. Reality is good, and it's about time.

Hands Off

Saturday afternoon - another trip to the park. Going to the park means getting Grant on his bike. Getting Grant on his bike means another lesson in patience for me and another lesson in bike riding for him.

I can't believe it's been over a year since I first wrote about teaching Grant to ride. In that year, we have made incredibly little progress on his bike. At least we hadn't lost anymore of our progress, and for that I am thankful.

But Saturday, we did it. We made progress. I should say, Grant made progress because it's really all on his shoulders at this point. I've made my peace with knowing that it's just going to take a long time and it's got to come with his own desire and on his terms.

For well over a year now, he has insisted that I keep my hand on the bike while he's riding. If I took it off, he would either stop riding or start crying. So every so often I move my hand just off the handle bar so that he knows my hand is there but at the same time he knows I'm not touching it.

On Saturday, though, he let me take my hand off the bike. For almost the whole way to the park and then the whole way home, he was ok with me running along side of him. He let out a few squeals and reached for me a couple of times, but they were just half-hearted attempts. He was ok with it. I could see that he was comfortable on the bike for the first time in a long while.

Oh for the day when he can focus continuously on his riding so that he doesn't veer off the path, the day when I can ride along side of him, the day when we take the training wheels off again, the day when he truly realizes the freedom of riding his bike. Until then, we'll keep riding and learning, together.

summer nights

It's been awhile since I've written about Grant riding his bike, it's just been so long since we made any progress. We've had the training wheels back on since October and he's refused to ride without my hand on the bike. But tonight, on a walk/ride to the park with the family, I finally got my hand off the bike. He seemed interested in riding tonight so I really pushed it with him. He kept trying to put my hand on, but I kept moving it about 6 inches off and he kept riding even when he wasn't happy about it. Ah, the tiniest of steps forward, but after all this time, it seems huge.

Aside from the bike, there were several things Grant did tonight which struck me with hope, right between the eyes. It wasn't that long ago that he absolutely refused to wear a helmet. Of course, when he wasn't that interested in the bike to begin with, there wasn't much benefit (to him) to wear the helmet. Then, one day, it was as if God touched him and he just put it on, as if it were never an issue before - and it has never been an issue since. Every time I see him put it on though, I remember how far he's come, and I'll never forget it.

At the park, he did 5 bars on the monkey bars all by himself! I've seen him hang on the bars before, and I've helped him across many times, but tonight he made 5 bars all by himself.

In general, he just plays so well at the park now. Climbing, jumping, sliding, swinging, running - he looks so 'comfortable'. It was just a few short years ago that the park was a major struggle. He didn't want to sit on the swing. He was very unsure walking across the platforms and would often just sit and it wouldn't be long before crying and screaming ensued. A few years and many, many trips to the park later, you would never know he ever had any issues with the park.

To top it off, this evening was a beautiful summer night here in the South Bay - clear, still, warm, and best of all, memorable.

Breaking it down

It's the smallest of decisions - when do you push it, when do you let it go.

For example, when getting Grant to eat, when do you really take on the battle and make him eat something that is good for him but that he REALLY doesn't want to eat? When do you let it go because he might have a complete revulsion to the smell, texture, or taste of the food?

When there is downtime at the house, when do you push it and get him involved, get him in a learning situation, get him in a social situation when he REALLY fights back? When do you let it go because he just needs some time alone.

When it's time for haircuts, how hard to you push it when he REALLY hates haircuts? When do you let it go?

When it's time to ride his bike to the park, how hard do you push him to learn the skills need to ride on his own? When do you let it go and let him guide the way?

These types of decisions are made every day, often many times during the day. The truth is that we never really know the answers. For the past 5+ years, I've been going the PUSH route with Grant on his bike. For a short time, it seemed to be working; he was riding about 30 yards on 2 wheels, all on his own. He seemed to like it. For whatever reason, that didn't last long.

The past few months, I've reversed my tactics. I think I mentioned in some post that I put the training wheels back on his bike. As we ride along, he insists that my hand is on the handlebar at all times. We continue to focus on his pedaling, getting him to fully realize that he needs to keep his feet moving to get to the park. At the same time, he needs to look ahead. While looking ahead, he needs to keep the handlebar aimed in the same direction he's looking. If he looks to the side or to the back, he can't turn the handlebars that way. When we get to the small bridge over the creek, he has to push harder to get up the small incline. When he comes down the bridge, he can't turn too fast or he'll crash. Whew - I'm so glad riding a bike is so simple!

And so, I'll continue to hold his handlebar as he rides along. One day, he will pedal consistently and convincingly the entire way to the park. Following that, he'll get control over the handlebars. He might one day feel so in-tune with his body that he'll take off down the road leaving my hand at my side. That day may come, and it may not. If it doesn't, I'm going to get really good at running along the side of a bike.

If that day does come, I'll have one less decision to make.

Catching up

Sometimes time flies so quickly by it seems like the clock hands are going to spin right off the wall. Before I let them spin any faster, here are some happenings from this week.

After our team meeting last Thursday, I decided it was time to put training wheels back on Grant's bike. It's been far too long since we made any progress and we just needed to start over again. Earlier in the week, I had made just the opposite decision for Owen and had taken his training wheels off. While I was driving home on Friday, I must have had a really bad reaction to lunch because I thought I would be able to take the boys to the park on their bikes. In a moment of delirium, I figured Grant would just magically take to his new training wheels and I would be able to hold Owen's bike while he learned the trick of riding on two wheels. Um, no. Grant still did not want me to let go of the bike so, for the most part, I ended up walking/running to the park holding the back of Grant's bike while also holding on to Owen's little bike (w/o training wheels). Needless to say, my back will never be the same.

On Sunday, I had the opportunity to speak to the congregation about Club Kangaroo. Pastor was teaching on parenting and he wanted to highlight Club Kangaroo as an example of how we are supporting both parents and kids. I probably was not quite as prepared as I could have been, but the response was really great. We had 3 new requests for helper applications, and one new application for a child. Great stuff!

Sunday was also a day of hard work (Sabbath anyone?) since the pool guys were supposed to fill in the trenches with dirt so the concrete work could begin on Monday. Since that didn't happen and we didn't want to delay our concrete work, I spent about 5 hours digging, swinging the pick, spreading, and moving dirt around the back yard. My back was already on the verge of meltdown from Friday's bike escapade, but we got the job done and work has been going strong on the concrete this week. Hopefully we'll have something to take pictures of by the end of the week and I'll post them here.

Today, one of Grant's paras was eager to tell me a "Grant story" when I dropped him off this morning. On Monday at recess, he initiated involvement with a group of boys who were playing with a ball. All on his own, he went up to them (wow!). They were nice enough (yeah!) to hand him the ball and ask if he wanted to play. Apparently, it looked like he was going to run away with the ball, but then he turned around and threw it back to them. They bounced the ball to him and it caught his finger and bent it back (ouch!). He didn't play any more after that, but what a wonderful new experience for him!

It's (just) a balancing act

It's my dream to see Grant ride his bike, on his own, and enjoy it. Nobody else, including Grant, shares this fervent dream of mine. Why do I desire this?

1. I want to see my son ride his bike. It's my dream. It's selfish. I admit it. But I'm not backing down.
2. Just behind that reason, I want us to ride bikes as a family. All 5 of us, just riding for the enjoyment of riding. Once again, my dream.
3. In the unselfish dept., I want him to be ready if and when he ever desires to hang around with other kids. His bike will be his pass into the camaraderie.

Grant and I have been working on this for 5 years now. I can't even believe it's been that long. I've been married 15 years. I've been out of high school for 20 years. But nothing seems longer than these 5 years of bike training. Very few things have been more challenging.

At 2 years old, not longer after he changed, we would spend short periods of time just getting him to realize what he was doing. Short periods, because his attention span for this activity was very short indeed. Put your feet on the pedals, put your hands on the handlebars, look ahead. Honestly, it was easily a year before he had that mastered. The bigger issue, and that which continues to be an issue, is his focus. Originally, his focus was anywhere except on what he was doing. Anything - the wind, the flowers, the plane overhead, some sound I can't hear - would distract him from moving his feet and realizing that he was moving forward.

I could write pages and pages about our biking times together, unfortunately that would result in you immediately clicking to another page, and we don't want that!

Around 5 years old, with his training wheels moved all the way up, he seemed to have the balance for two wheels. Clearly, he wouldn't be able to do it by himself yet, but he could begin to learn. He got a big boy bike w/o training wheels, and my dream seemed to be turning into reality. It wasn't too long before he figured out the balance and knew that as long as I was holding the bike he didn't have to be scared.

At 6, he really hit his stride. He didn't mind me letting go of the bike and he was able to ride for 30-40 yards all by himself. The joy! And not just me, he was really starting to enjoy riding his bike (no, really!). But alas, that was our peak, and we haven't been close to it since. It lasted for a couple of months, and now he won't ride by himself any longer. He doesn't pedal consistently enough to keep the bike safely upright on his own. Something about me letting go just freaks him out, and he won't stand for it.

So we continue. As much as we can, we get Grant on his bike and he goes, with me walking/running alongside holding on to his bike. I'm convinced that he learns something with each ride. I know that he will ride on his own again. I believe that he will ride unassisted with us as a family, someday. I hope that he will ride with friends, to have fun. I will work with him until it happens.

It's my dream.