Netflix loves me

We've got the cheapest Netflix plan - 2 a month, and we rarely use them both. We used to have the 2-at-a-time plan but then we had to go with a monthly plan at Hollywood Video since that is Grant's major reward for behavior at school. It seems like every time we send a movie back to Netflix, we forget to check our queue and update it with something we want to see so the next movie seems to always be a surprise. It usually ends up being something one of us added a year or so ago and had since completely forgotten about. The movie I watched tonight, the one that had been collecting dust for at least 3 weeks, was one of those.

Fortunately, Netflix smiled on me this time, leaving The Astronaut Farmer in our mailbox for viewing at our discretion. I loved it. I'm such a sap for feel-good, dream-big, change-the-world, strong-family, slightly-outrageous-plot movies. This one had all of that and more and, like this post from a few weeks ago, it had me pondering if I still have dreams to live out. Sure, I have dreams for my family, but are they big enough? How sad is it though that a couple of hours later I still don't have any inkling of my dream? Assuming my final age is anywhere near the average of 77, I'm a little over half way there - when I'm just about to shut my eyes for the last time, what is it that I will look back on and say "I did it"?

What's your big dream or goal? Are you on track to accomplish it?

Before I start building a rocket ship in my backyard I better go check my Netflix queue to make sure the next movie doesn't make me think - any suggestions?

Generations

22 1/2 years ago, I ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes and stayed home. I wasn't feeling well, I said. The next day, it was another excuse and then I just stopped going to football practice. I was small and slow so I wouldn't have made the team anyway, I said. I was 99 lbs and the minimum was 100 lbs, I said. The next year, I said I'd never make it on the team because I hadn't played the year before. And so it went for 4 years; I never played although playing football was my biggest dream. I never even watched a game.

On Friday night, we, along with most of the town, watched the two local high schools go at it in the first round of the CCS playoffs. Our nephew was promoted from JV for the playoffs and we were so proud to see him out on the field. Prior to his freshman year, he had never played football, but he decided he wanted to play and 2 years later he's a star on defense. Earlier this year he had a severe injury completed unrelated to football; most of us were very doubtful that he would play this year, if ever again. But here he is, playing for the varsity after playing every game this year.

Today, we moved Staci's grandparents into an assisted-living home. This move is necessary and it's going to be a much better situation for them. Over the past several years, they've experienced the typical maladies of the typical 80+ year old but they haven't fought it. They haven't worked to improve their lives, they have existed. Although it was quite sad to see this change in their lives, it was even harder to wonder how their lives would be better off if they had exercised or socialized more.

I'm sure their "decision" was much like mine that day, just one bad excuse in an otherwise make-all-the-right-decisions kind of day. Fear of failure, fear of success, or just fear of pain - it doesn't matter which one, it just matters that we gave into it and it kept us from accomplishing our goals and dreams. As I realize these similariites and compare them to the joy of seeing our nephew push past this same fear and accomplish so much, I am going to some serious dreaming and goal-setting over the next few days and weeks and promise that nothing is going to keep myself or my family from living life to the fullest. If I do one day end up living in a room where assistance is required to help me live, it will only be because I have lived every second of every day to its fullest and my body is simply unable to keep up with my dreams.

13 percent

The headline caught my attention - 13% of kids in Oregon are in special ed. Whoa! What's up in Oregon? The first thing I thought was "how could it be so high?" I mean, the California average is probably 5% and the national average is maybe 3-4%. What's up in Oregon? Well, a lot of California transplants, that's for sure.

And then the article ends with this kicker - 12% of kids nationally are in special ed. First, the headline about 13% meant nothing, what appeared to be completely abnormal was right in line with the average. But 12% nationally? That seems huge to me, am I way off? Even w/ the 1 in 150 autism numbers, that barely makes a noticeable dent. I'm interested to find out how the other numbers play out, I'd imagine a big % is speech, hearing, or vision as opposed to learning disabilities.

However, 12% strikes me in another way. This number is yet another reminder that a great number of that 12% is invisible. We don't see them (even those of us with the 12% living in our homes). These kids aren't at the parks, they are not on the ball teams, they aren't, as much as I hate to admit it, in our churches. This notion of invisible kids has been with me since I first attended a fund raiser for the Capernaum Project in San Jose. This ministry started in San Jose but has since grown world-wide and is dedicated to bringing fun, friendships, and love to these kids. They are truly inspiring.

Maybe, someday, after many others take on the same focus, the 12% will no longer be invisible and it will no longer be such a shock that 12% of our kids are in special ed. We can dream...

Club Kangaroo - the beginning

Next week will be 5 months since Club Kangaroo's first Sunday. I'll have to figure out a way to throw a celebration here on the Siren blog for the 6th mensiversary (that's a new word I just learned!).

Although it's been 5 months since we started, it's been just over a year since our journey began. Here's our story.

During the summer of 2005, we began to seriously consider moving out of California. Both of us had been born here, gone to school here, made friends here, had family here, got married here, had our kids here, and so on.... In addition, neither of us are risk-takers, and moving - to us - was the one of the ultimate risks. So why?

Real Estate is expensive here - just living here is expensive. Do a search if you don't believe me. The school system used to be great - about 40 years ago. The infrastructure of California used to be great - about 40 years ago. Ok, you can probably say that about a lot of places, right? Those reasons by themselves are no reason to leave home. But in combination, our plan became:

• sell our home here
• move someplace "better"
• reduce our mortgage to almost nothing
• leave the "tech" career and become an elementary school teacher
• Have enough money to do what was best for Grant, and plan for all of their education.
  

After a lot of research, we decided on Raleigh, NC as that "better" place, meeting our criteria of:

• Good weather - no freezing winters!
• Good/Great schools, especially special ed.
  
• Affordable Housing
• Good job market
  
• Good community
• Near water, and not too far from the beach.

And, in September, the two of us took a road trip! After all, if we were really going to get serious about this place, we better see if we liked it, right? Prior to our trip, we thought it would be great to visit a church while we were out there. Although we were getting information from various sources, I actually ran across an online newspaper article about a church with a special needs program! How cool! We had never heard of such a program, but it certainly sounded perfect for us.

Our trip to Raleigh went way better than we had expected. I was sure that Staci would find a few reasons not to move, and so was she. But we were both wrong, and we were quickly becoming excited about our big life change. Our trip to Crossroads Church was a highlight as well. If you are ever looking for a church in Raleigh, check it out! We felt welcome on our first and only trip there. We didn't get a chance to speak with the leaders of the special needs program, but we did get to check out the children's programs - we just felt so at home!

Over the next 3 months, and into the beginning of 2006, we just kept waffling back and forth. Yes, we're moving! No, we can't do that- it's too nuts! How will we survive without our extended family?

And then, the moment of revelation. We were having dinner with our Children's Pastors (I've been working in our Children's Church for about 8 years now) and talking about the move. It suddenly became so clear, to both Staci and I, that this whole "move journey" was about one thing - we were to start a program at our church for special needs kids! It was so instant, and so clear, that it could only have been God speaking to us. The Children's Pastors were so excited to hear us proclaim this decision, right there at the dinner table; they had been praying for someone to start such a program for over 2 years. No more move - no more indecision. On to His plan...

It is a wonderful place to be where you know you are doing what you've been called to do - this is how we both feel about starting and leading Club Kangaroo. In future posts, perhaps on the 6th mensiversary, I'll detail how we got started and how the Club is progressing.

Milestones

I can't believe this is the 3rd week of school already. Mornings are still crazy; we should have it figured out by Memorial day... Cassidy starts school at 7:40, Grant at 7:50 and then I drop Owen off at preschool after that. Does anybody else's school start that early? And here I am reading blogs at 12:30 am. I wonder if that's why it's so hard to wake up in the morning?

The beginning of the school year and beginning the process of chelation have had me thinking about how Grant has grown in all areas since he was 3. Here are some of the major areas that have made such a difference in his/our lives.

• Saying yes/no - I think this came late in his 4th year and I still think it is the single biggest hurdle he's leaped. Prior to this, it was nearly impossible to find out what he needed or what he wanted. What a marvelous experience it was to see (at first his response was in sign language) and then hear a response when we asked him a question or gave him a choice. I believe this skill also quickly allowed other communication skills to flourish as he figured out he could get what he wanted with so much less effort than before.
  
• Unprompted words - For so, so long all of Grant's words were prompted. Although he was beginning to put the sounds together in forms that we could just begin to understand, it was so much work to prompt him. Unprompted words, when they appear, are like finding a $20 bill on the ground - totally unexpected, exciting, and gone in the wink of an eye. He says all of our names now, although saying 'Cassidy' is the most impressive (it's his only 3 syllable word). He has said 'home' to us when we're out somewhere and he's very tired. And, of course, 'Bathroom'.
  
• Putting on a helmet - If Grant is going to ride his bike, he has to wear a helmet. Well, I kept telling myself that anyway. We tried to get his helmet on for 3 years. A couple of times, it got on but it was short lived. For about 18 months, a great friend of ours had us come over and work with Grant while riding a pony. I'll have to post about that experience another time, but of course that required a helmet as well. Yeah right.
  And then, one magic day late last year, he just put it on, buckled the chin strap, and we were off. Oh how I wish he could explain what happened that day and why it is no longer a problem, but it isn't and that's all that counts!
  
• Toilet Training - We are so fortunate that Grant is now fully potty trained and never really had that fascination with poop that so many other kids have. But, oh, those years of training. I truly doubted whether he would ever get it. Time after time, I would clean up the mess. Time after time, we would bring him to the potty. And then, he started picking the toilet icon all by himself. And then he just started going by himself. And then he started cleaning up after himself. And now he washes his hands when he's done. And it never ceases to amaze me.
  
• Dressing himself - How do you teach him that the tag goes in the back? To snap? To zip? To match colors? He picked up these skills pretty quickly, actually. His OT was awesome in getting his fingers to button, zip, and snap. He found the skill interesting and picked it up. I love being able to say "Get Dressed" while we are downstairs and he goes upstairs, picks out some clothes, and get dressed.
  
• Eye Contact - When this all started, Grant was completely unresponsive. I'd get right in his face and there would be no response (this was around 2.5 years). The ability to make eye contact is of course very hard for so many of our kids, and the "teaching" of eye contact varies widely. ABA is "look at me" 5000 times a day. RDI is getting him to find interest in your face so that he seeks eye contact. I definitely lean towards more the RDI approach, but more than anything, I think it's just been time and maturation which has brought him forward in this area.
  Tonight, Grant and I had a very tough time when he needed to take his supplements. After about 20 minutes, I sent him (sternly) to his room. He was upset and of course I was frustrated as well. A few minutes later, I went up to his room to try and explain the concept to him (again). As he sat in his bed, playing with a few character toys, he looked right at me with his eyes wide open, easily making contact for 7-10 seconds at a time. I talked to him, he looked at me. I talked some more, and then he leaned forward and gave me a hug. He looks at me to gather information, not because I tell him to. I think he's curious. I think he's puzzled. I think he's the most amazing kid.
  

I'm stunned when I look at this list. He has worked so hard, and he wants so hard to understand and to be understood. We will continue to work as hard on the new skills as we have on these, we'll continue to celebrate the victories, and the future will bring what it brings.

It's (just) a balancing act

It's my dream to see Grant ride his bike, on his own, and enjoy it. Nobody else, including Grant, shares this fervent dream of mine. Why do I desire this?

1. I want to see my son ride his bike. It's my dream. It's selfish. I admit it. But I'm not backing down.
2. Just behind that reason, I want us to ride bikes as a family. All 5 of us, just riding for the enjoyment of riding. Once again, my dream.
3. In the unselfish dept., I want him to be ready if and when he ever desires to hang around with other kids. His bike will be his pass into the camaraderie.

Grant and I have been working on this for 5 years now. I can't even believe it's been that long. I've been married 15 years. I've been out of high school for 20 years. But nothing seems longer than these 5 years of bike training. Very few things have been more challenging.

At 2 years old, not longer after he changed, we would spend short periods of time just getting him to realize what he was doing. Short periods, because his attention span for this activity was very short indeed. Put your feet on the pedals, put your hands on the handlebars, look ahead. Honestly, it was easily a year before he had that mastered. The bigger issue, and that which continues to be an issue, is his focus. Originally, his focus was anywhere except on what he was doing. Anything - the wind, the flowers, the plane overhead, some sound I can't hear - would distract him from moving his feet and realizing that he was moving forward.

I could write pages and pages about our biking times together, unfortunately that would result in you immediately clicking to another page, and we don't want that!

Around 5 years old, with his training wheels moved all the way up, he seemed to have the balance for two wheels. Clearly, he wouldn't be able to do it by himself yet, but he could begin to learn. He got a big boy bike w/o training wheels, and my dream seemed to be turning into reality. It wasn't too long before he figured out the balance and knew that as long as I was holding the bike he didn't have to be scared.

At 6, he really hit his stride. He didn't mind me letting go of the bike and he was able to ride for 30-40 yards all by himself. The joy! And not just me, he was really starting to enjoy riding his bike (no, really!). But alas, that was our peak, and we haven't been close to it since. It lasted for a couple of months, and now he won't ride by himself any longer. He doesn't pedal consistently enough to keep the bike safely upright on his own. Something about me letting go just freaks him out, and he won't stand for it.

So we continue. As much as we can, we get Grant on his bike and he goes, with me walking/running alongside holding on to his bike. I'm convinced that he learns something with each ride. I know that he will ride on his own again. I believe that he will ride unassisted with us as a family, someday. I hope that he will ride with friends, to have fun. I will work with him until it happens.

It's my dream.

Love

Usually my wife does the long-term worrying - what will happen to Grant when we're gone, will he ever talk, will he have friends? I tend to stay in the day-to-day; it's just too crazy for me to look out farther than a couple of months at a time.

But today... I'm finishing The Memory Keepers Daughter in which a very minor part of the story is a girl with Downs falling in love at age 24. The descriptions of their unmasked affection and unabashed hope forced to me ponder the future. Will Grant find love? Will he feel attraction? Will he be loved? Will he experience heartbreak?

I know my other 2 will experience this part of life. Cassidy, at 11, is very close (too close for my own good). Owen, at 4, will be an early casanova; it's obvious to anybody who knows him.

But Grant... I guess I should worry about whether he will ever experience friendship. I do hope that will come long before love. When will that come? How will it start? What will click in his mind to realize that he can give of himself to enrich another person's life, and to realize that he can receive joy from another?

Ok, that's enough of that. I'll be dreaming about it tonight, I'm sure. But tomorrow, it's back to the day-to-day for me.