Tis the season

No, not THAT season. THIS family loves THAT season.

No, it's IEP season. We have IEP #6 coming up next month and today was the first round of prep work with the school. We have a meeting about a month beforehand with his teacher (we had that meeting today), at least one of the paras, speech, OT, etc. We go over last year's IEP, review status, and we discuss the goals for this coming year. More often than not, we're on the same page and given that it's been awhile since we've needed additional services, there is little to no conflict.

Over the next month, we'll refine the goals and procedures so when it comes time for the actual IEP, it's just a matter of signing forms. Sounds good, right? So why then do I feel like I got hit by a truck when I walked out of today's meeting?

This meeting is the one time during the year when I'm forced to acknowledge "everything". The other 364 days of the year we can work with him, play with him, celebrate the positive, and try to solve the problems. But reviewing the IEP goals, it hits home how slow the progress is coming. How long the road is going to be. How life is going to be. Surely he learned how to add numbers since last year, right? Surely, he can say the name of everyone in the classroom, right? No, he met a few goals, but most of the goals will continue in a similar form.

3rd grade will lead to 4th grade will lead to 5th grade and we will still be working on a subset of the skills required for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. We'll still be trying to teach him how to talk to other kids, why that might be useful for him. I'll still be teaching him how to ride a bike, how to catch a ball, and how to pump his legs on a swing.

This is what hits me when I walk out of that meeting, feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest. The life we live, not the life as we dream it, is going to be very, very hard for Grant. It's going to be harder for him than all of us put together.

Tomorrow, I'll wake up and the weight will be lifted. It will be time to make breakfast, time to bring laughter, time to create opportunities. But today, oh today, it hurts.

Mornings

Ugh, I hate mornings - always have. Getting out of bed has always been one of the hardest things for me to do. In a perfect world, I'd wake up and have about 30 minutes to clear the fog before having to set a foot on the floor. In my real world, the kids are pulling me out of bed and the fog often lasts until lunch time.

But.

One of my favorite parts of my day is taking Grant to school - in the morning. I can't even write that without smiling because it was just a few short years ago that it was my hardest part of the day. Those first 3 years of school mornings, were... well, that's another post entirely. The next 2 were much better, but still difficult because I had Owen with me while getting Grant to his class. This year, however, it's just me and Grant. This is a good thing.

Grant is able to sit in the front seat of the car now, so as we drive I talk about the things we see and about how school will go today. Most days, he will name his favorite things that he sees along the way - corn, barn, cows. I believe he comprehends 90% of what I'm saying, but I have absolutely no idea how he processes that information. If he is processing it in a similar way to you and I, how utterly frustrating that must be to not reciprocate his thoughts and feelings. I have no idea if he likes or doesn't like any or all of the kids in his class (or does he care?). But, before we know it, we're at school trying to scrounge up a parking space so we can walk to his class. This year, we've been on time each and every day - incredible! Even the morning that my battery was dead, we still got the car jumped and got to class before the bell rang.

The class schedule is a good mix between highly scheduled activities and opportunities to break up the schedule. The morning is one of the highly scheduled times - come in, grab a book, and read until it's time to start class. This is my time. I exchange greetings with his teacher and the paras who are in the room, and also with the parents as they drop off their children. My favorite part, though, is getting to know the kids themselves. Because Grant is doing so well in the morning and since I don't have Owen with me, I'm able to spend a little more time in the class and talk to the kids. We have a new kid in the class this year, J., who talks quite well and can easily converse and share his ideas and thoughts. I love to hear his stories and his opinion of various topics - toys, his sister, his dad's job, etc. While I'm talking to J., I kneel next to Grant's desk and read along with him. I try to get him to label things, or I try to get him interested in the story being told.

At the same time, I say 'hi' to each of the other kids. One boy who has been with Grant since the beginning, always says 'hi Grant's Dad'. Lately, he's been addressing me before I say 'hi' to him - great stuff. He is definitely farther along on the language train than Grant. The other kids give me all sorts of different reactions, as you would expect. R. speaks very quietly and has almost no eye contact. G. almost always gives me a smile when I talk to him; I can see a glimmer in his eye and I think he's going to be a real character when he grows up. D. has just recently starting copying R. and now says 'hi Grant's Dad' too. There are a few others that generally show up a little later and I don't get to talk to them much.

Before I know it, the bell has rung and Mrs. J. is heading towards the front of the classroom to start group time. I say 'bye Grant' and he says 'bye, Daddy' - this always puts a smile on my face as I say bye to everybody and head out the door for a day at the office. The joy I experience in the morning these days wouldn't be the same without the struggles and discouragement I had with Grant in earlier years. Now, if I could just learn how to get out of bed...

old is new

Last week's school quandary had to be solved quickly, and it was. Staci talked to the principal and got her to agree to a choice - either Owen would go to the K/1st grade combo with his existing teacher or he would go to a new K class with a new teacher. However, either option would involve moving from the "late hour" to the "early hour".

Staci also talked to Owen's teacher, to Grant's teacher, as well as a few other adults. Owen's teacher really wanted him to come with her to the new combo class. They have quickly bonded, and it's clear that she is getting through to him. Grant's teacher had worked with her several years ago and recommended that he stay with her. Ultimately, the choice was easy. Since the major pain in this change was really the change in the hour, and since we were going to lose the "late hour" schedule either way, it was purely a "what's best for Owen" question. He likes his teacher and she likes him. He's loving school and he's ready to be challenged by being in a class with 1st graders. So, this past Monday he started his new class and it's gone very smoothly.

As for the schedule change, Staci is making it all work. She drops him off on her way to work - no problem there. However, since he gets out 30 minutes before Staci is off work, the real trick is what happens after school. Going to an after school day care is really expensive and seems senseless for such a short period of time. So, the plan is for me to work from home 1 or 2 days a week and pick him up. The other days, Staci's mom will pick him up and bring him over when Staci gets home - thanks, Grandma!

quick change artists

We're winding up the 4th week of school (!) and it's been amazingly quiet. Cassidy hasn't had any issues starting Jr. High (at least nothing she will admit to) and she's enjoying most of her classes. Grant is well entrenched in 3rd grade and his 3rd year in the same SDC class. Owen is soaking up Kindergarten as if he was parched for knowledge. Besides the big introductions of Jr. High and Kindergarten, our biggest concern was scheduling. They each go to a different school and Grant and Owen's class get out 5 minutes apart. The teachers, however, have been very accommodating and that turned out to be a non-issue. The other scheduling issue was that Kindergarten starts almost 2 hours after Staci goes to work but she had all that worked out as well. We had a great system going!



We got a letter the other day stating that some classes at Owen's school need to be juggled and that one of the K classes would be switched to a K/1st combo class. Hmm... Initially we thought it might be a great thing for Owen since he's doing so well and we initially had concerns that he might be bored in K. However, once we found out that the new class would start in the "early" hour and not hist current "late" hour, we abandoned that. Can't do that, our schedule is perfect!

We got another letter today. Your child has been placed in the new K/1st grade combo class. Ack! Not only was everything working out academically and clock-wise, Staci also had 90 minutes all to herself each day before she had to pick up Owen. In the blink of an eye, we now need to find somewhere for Owen to go for about 60 minutes after school since he gets out before Staci is out of work, and now Staci's "quiet time" has just disappeared . @#)2@)#(*)#((#)((!!!

Oh, and in case this wasn't made perfectly clear in the first letter, this all starts this coming Monday.

running in cycles

It seems that when I go a few too many days without a post it's because there's just a bit too much going on in life and I can't seem to force myself to whittle it all down to one (seemingly) coherent theme. The last few weeks have certainly been one of those periods but since I need to narrow it all down, the theme has to be 'back to school'.

This is definitely the first year, and probably the last, when all 3 kids were actually looking forward to school. Cassidy is starting Junior High (7th) and she was really looking forward to the new classes, the new teachers, the new school, etc. Grant really enjoys school now, although probably for the opposite reason - it is now very familiar to him. He's been at the same school for 5 (!) years now and he still has 3 to go (after this one). He's in the 3rd grade (SDC) and is showing more and more signs of actually wanting to learn. Owen started Kindergarten this year. What was previously "Cassidy's school" is now "Owen's school". He was also very excited about going to his new school; he feels like a "big boy".

Of course, this means that we have 3 different schools, 3 different start times, and 3 different end times. Whee. The toughest part is that Grant's class gets out 5 minutes before Owen's class, and there's no way Staci can pick up Grant and get over to Owen's school in 5 minutes. Fortunately, Grant's teacher is very understanding and she picks him up 5-10 minutes early. I still get to bring Grant to school which, while it has not always been easy, I have always enjoyed. Since I can't just drop him off in front of the school like NT kids, I get to walk him into class and hang out for a little bit. Over the years, this has been a great opportunity to build a rapport with his teachers and to have a quick exchange of ideas when there is a need to do so. It's too bad we can't do that with the other 2 - it really seems "right" to know the teachers so well and to know the other kids and their parents.

Owen's first day was a bit worrisome since he can have a bit of a frustration/anger issue at times. When he gets really frustrated he can "light it up" with the best of them. However, his morning started out great and he was all smiles walking in the room. When his teacher noticed he had the same lunch box as another boy, she started writing his name on the outside. In ink. Right -on-top-of-Spiderman. Uh-oh, big mistake. Owen was NOT happy about that. Evidently it took him a while to get out of that "mood" but he hung in there and finished strong. Today (the 2nd day) was much better.

Although Cassidy was looking forward to 7th grade, the big bummer was that none of her best friends were in ANY of her classes! Although she says that she hasn't really talked to any new people, I'm not buying it. She'd be complaining if that were really true. By far, the biggest change (and drawback) to 7th grade is the lack of recess and a shorter lunch period. Welcome to the real world, pal!

Finally, the last few days I have been desperate to glean information from each of them about their day. Well, I always ask Grant about his day even though I've never gotten any sort of answer. Maybe someday. But, Cassidy and Owen are more than capable of describing every minute of their day to me - what's the problem!? All I get is "it was good" or "nothing happened". C'mon, I work in an office all day, I need some stories about this other world you are living in kids! So, I've pretty much given up on asking and have resorted to other methods. I either ask stupid questions which require them to respond with a "real" explanation, or I tell them some story from my school days so that they will want to talk about their own. Any other ideas are MORE than welcome!

Ok, boring post is over. My next post is #100!

nice while it lasted

Wow, that last week of school, and the week or two after were fabulous. The weather was insanely nice, the pool was our best friend, Grant was talking more - great stuff.

But this week...

Summer school started yesterday for Grant. In what could hardly be called a coincidence, he started this new stim where he puts his hands over his eyes and presses just hard enough to form a seal then he pops them off his eyes so that you can hear a little suction. Yesterday, he started doing this incessantly. We told him no, over and over, but unfortunately there was so much going on that we couldn't get a program going to tackle it efficiently. I talked to his paras today in the class and they said they would watch it as well. It wasn't as bad when he came home today, so hopefully it was just a reaction to the sudden change in schedule. We'll see... But he's just had a rough week in general - it seems like he has been talking less (using less words), he's "uncomfortable"... tonight he did NOT want to fall asleep. I can't remember the last time he put up such a fight about going to bed and falling asleep. We are so fortunate that he has, for the most part, been a good sleeper. When I read the stories about kids not sleeping, I honestly don't know how the parents handle it.

Owen has been quite a pill as well the past few weeks. I think he is a bit unnerved by the schedule changes as well. He still had to go to preschool while Cassidy and Grant were out of school. Now, he sees Grant's edginess with his summer school. Owen has just been feisty, crabby, and bossy. He pulled the classic 5 year old maneuver today and cut a chunk of hair off his head today. Gotta love it.

Cassidy is taking after me - during the summer I could just lay around all day and do absolutely nothing. Fortunately, she's had quite a few activities to keep her busy, but we really need to stay on top of that and make sure she doesn't become a sloth. On the bright side, she has officially started working with some kids at Grant's speech therapist's office. The therapists have been very happy with her and think she is an absolute natural. More on that to come over the next few weeks.

Trickery will get you everywhere

Yesterday, Grant lost his "Hollywood Video" right at the beginning of class. He completely understood the situation, but he did not continue to hit; he knew he'd crossed the boundary - that is great news in and of itself.

At the end of the day, Grant's teacher gives Staci his "Daily report" with the smiley or frowny face next to Hollywood video written at the top. Grant, of course, sees this transaction every day. This day, knowing that he's lost his prized trip, snuck the report out of his backpack prior to Staci picking him up. Then when it was time to leave, he tried to take another boy's report off of the teacher's desk to pass off as his own! Hmmm - they'll never notice, right? I love it!

Thinking ahead, thinking outside the box, thinking about what "others" will see - all totally skills that he showed off with this little trick.

Hands off

What do you do when you can't get your point across? When people don't pay attention to you? When it seems as if others are speaking a different language?

Grant deals with these questions every day. I can only imagine what my own response would be. I know how frustrated I get when I just have to repeat myself.

Since his earliest experiences with ABA, one of his answers has been to hit the closest person. Well, "hit" is a bit strong... it's really a slap on the top of the head. He's never hurt anybody, but clearly as he gets bigger and stronger, it's become a serious issue. He hits when he's frustrated, when he just can't get his point across - especially when he's being told to do something and his point is "no".

At a team meeting with the school a few months back, we all agreed it was time for the hitting to stop. We also agreed that a positive reinforcement system would be our first plan; we just needed the right reinforcer. One of the hardest parts about doing true ABA with Grant is that reinforcers are short-lived for him. Even when it's his very favorite thing in the world, he's willing to give it up so that he doesn't have to do the task at hand.

So what to use? It turns out, he answered this for us himself. One day when we were playing with the Magna Doodle, he writes "Hollywood Video" just as clear as day. Now, not only did we not know he knew how to write this, but we didn't really know he had a concept of what the store is about. We'd only been there once or twice, but evidently he remembered it very well as the place with all the movies. Not long after this, it was very clear that Hollywood Video would be our positive reinforcer.

His teachers have been fantastic in implementing this plan. At first, they were keeping him out of situations which had been prompting hitting so that he could get the positive reinforcement. After about a week, we were sure he completely understood the trade-off so he was taken off the 'easy path' and he was expected to stop hitting in all the normal school situations. It's definitely been a success; he'll go several days getting his prize, and then a day or two with a hit. There have been days when he cries at the end of the day when he came so close and he knows he won't get his video fix that day.

We've also used this at home on the weekends. His little brother has been the happy recipient of less hits on the head. Even more exciting, this task has brought new, unprompted words from him. In the afternoon, when he knows that he has not hit, he walks up to me and says "no hitting, Hollywood Video, Grant". It's probably his most diverse set of words and phrases and he came up with it all on his own. More words and less hitting - can't complain about that.

3 weeks?

Has it really been 3 weeks since my last post? I've honestly missed it and have tried a few times to make a post "happen", but unfortunately I've come down with "too busy at work" syndrome. It's just been crazy lately and I've let my blogging pay the price. Or, perhaps I was frightened off by the concept of NaBloPoMo - does that make me a na-nablopomo? On the positive side of NaBloPoMo, it has brought a daily post from MOM-NOS, my favorite blog after she had reduced her postings quite a bit in October.

Wednesday afternoon brought our annual IEP for Grant. We had not been so unprepared for an IEP since our very first one (over 4 years ago!) when we didn't even know what an IEP was. So why were we so unprepared? I'd like to blame it on work, but honestly, our philosophy is that Grant's education always take priority. I could even blame it on the construction going on at the house. But no, it really just boils down to this - things are going good. We are totally on the same page with each of Grant's educators - classroom, OT, and speech. Grant is making real academic progress this year and he is really trying hard to vocalize to communicate. There are no major services that we feel the school district is denying us.

Grant's teacher wrote up a set of goals and asked us to review them about a week prior to the IEP. I had a pretty quick glance but never made the time to do a complete review or write up my own (shame on me!). But you know what, it was a great IEP. The reports were great, and it's just so relieving to know we all generally see the same challenges and progress from Grant, and we are all seeking the same goals.

Without delving into the nitty gritty of the goals in the IEP, here are the main points:
- improve his reading and book skills up to a Kindergarten level (he is in 2nd grade)
- name and be able to address his classmates and his teacher
- tell time
- addition / subtraction w/ #'s up to 10
- master his numbers to 30
- learn 25 new words (according to the report, he sight reads over 50 words now!)
- improve his vowel-consonant sounds and use 3-word sentences

His mainstreaming in the Kindergarten class is going as well as we could have possibly hoped for. He spends up to an hour a day in the K class; he's doing the work and learning in an environment different from the SDC class that he's become accustomed to after 4 years. Our overall IEP goal is to reduce the academic and social gap between his chronological age and his "school" age. If mainstreaming didn't move us toward this goal, we wouldn't do it. But the amazing thing is, and it's still shocking to think it's true, is that he is finally at a place where it really is the right thing for him and it really is helping him toward that goal.

Off to a good start

Grant has been in the Kindergarten class an hour a day since Monday - it's going good! He's been following along, doing the projects, focusing, and all that good stuff. It's funny, we started the school year less than 2 months ago and this was not even a glimpse of a dream for us. It was completely off the radar. And yet, here we are.

We had our team meeting today with his teacher and the district clinical psych (his main para was out today). This is the last review before the yearly IEP meeting next month. As we went over his data, he's meeting almost every goal in the IEP. So now, over the next month, we need to start planning for the new IEP, coming up with the plan for the next year. What do we think he can accomplish in a year? What's doable? What's a stretch? Is there anything "out of the box" that we should be considering?

At each team meeting (3-4 times a school year), it is our practice to bring a list of "the good things" - about 10-15 things that Grant is doing in his home life that his teachers may not know about. We started this back in the early days when there was a little more contention between the sides. By starting off with the positive, it gets the meeting off on the right foot and seems to always bring the two sides together. In fact, it's been a couple of years since we've even thought of "sides". We really are a team.

Believe me, I'm not saying that we don't struggle with the district for services. We do, and that will continue throughout his education. But our team works together and we do trust that when we drop him off each day, he's getting their best effort.

Happy stuff

Tomorrow is a major first for Grant. In is 5th year of school, he'll be joining the Kindergarten class for 1-2 hours a day, his first foray out of his special-day class. Our excitement is not about the mainstreaming, it's that he's ready; he's making progress. Here are some other firsts from the past week (so many in one week!) that have us so encouraged.

• A shipping box full of styrofoam peanuts became the box that Bullseye popped out of to meet Woody in Toy Story 2. No first there, he loves to re-enact Toy Story scenes. But, what happens to all the peanuts? That's right, all over the floor, and that's where this first comes in. I asked Grant to clean it up, and he did it! Every last one, he picked them up and put them in the box. He looked around for any stray peanuts and then knew he was done. Never Before! Of course, we have tried to get him to clean up his stuff, but his attention span usually lasts for about 30 seconds. Not this time!
• Like most special-day classrooms, I would assume, Grant's works according to a schedule. In addition to the main class schedule, each student has their own work/reward schedule. Each child has their own method for tracking their schedule, according to their abilities. Currently, Grant copies a written schedule to a small whiteboard. But, on Friday, Grant wrote his own schedule, all by himself! He walked over to his board before his para ever had a chance to write hers and started writing - video, A, B, play-doh, Toys. As his teacher said, most kids will learn to write their schedule by rote, but Grant wrote down what he wanted (and wrote the words correctly!), and included the A B options (picking a lesson). An amazing first!
• On Friday night, we watched The Shaggy Dog with Tim Allen. Grant wasn't too interested so he went to bed while the rest of us stayed up and watched the movie. I didn't last much longer and started snoozing about an hour into the movie. Everybody must've left me there because Grant woke up around midnight and, not finding me in bed, came looking for me downstairs. He woke me up, and took me back to bed. A first for a few reasons - normally, he would just wake up and climb in our bed; if I'm not in bed, that's just more room for him. Otherwise, if he wakes up and comes downstairs, he's most likely going to try and watch TV. But not that night, he was just so aware.

There was a time a few years back when one first every 6 months was a cause for celebration. Now, in the matter of a week, we have 4 firsts, all unique and oustanding in their own right. It's actually early Monday morning now, just a few more hours till his big day at school.

BIG DAY

Every morning, it's the same routine. Get everybody ready and out the door. Get the boys in the car. Take Grant to school. Try to control Owen in Grant's class (he tries to run the class). Take Owen to school. Drive to work.

Every day - the same schedule. The only variety is - how late are we, will the boys behave, or will one of them (usually Owen) be tough to deal with.

But Not Today. No, today was Good News Day.

After walking Grant in to his class, his teacher pulled me aside.

"We're going to start mainstreaming Grant", she said. My morning-fogged brain suddenly cleared - did she really just say what I thought she said?

"We were going to put him in a 3rd grade class, because there is a really good teacher in that class. But his para said 'Let's put him in the Kinder class. I think he can do the same work as the kids in the class.' He'll be in there 1-2 hours a day. We think he's ready, is that OK?"

"Of course, if you think he's ready" I said. My eyes welled up with tears; I couldn't say anything more or I would have lost it.

"We are really excited - he's ready", she said with a smile.

Can it be? Are we really making progress? In the first few years of school (ages 3-5), we had hopes of mainstreaming. But, over that time, it became clear that his speech was not going to come as quick as we hoped, and his ability to take instruction was not where it needed to be for a classroom environment. In addition, he receives more individual instruction in his SDC than he would in a 2nd grade (his grade level) class. We knew that it was not in his best interest for us to push mainstreaming. It would happen when and if the time was right.

And today, the news came that the time was right. He's making progress. He's learning. He's applying his skills.

It's a beautiful day.