Shock and Awe

The past few days have been a roller coaster for myself and my family. Last night, I found out that my younger brother committed suicide earlier that day. We had all been in fear of this for some time, although there is nothing to prepare you for hearing those words.

My brother was a peaceful soul, at least to everyone else but himself. As I've heard from many people over the past few days, some of which I have never met, he was one of the nicest people around. He was not one to judge anybody, he would talk to anybody and never put them down. But to himself, he was forever in battle. From late in grade school, he just had zero confidence in himself, had very little image of himself, and was generally unable to see what others saw in him. When did it start, and where did it come from? I'll never know, and I'll never understand it. The only place he felt he could escape his world was in drugs and booze. It was a constant battle, one that he knew he had to win, and one that I'm sure he felt he would always lose.

The stories of the past 20 years could fill volumes, but needless to say many friends and family worked with him and tried to help him. The therapies, the hospitals. Moving away, moving home. Getting a job, losing a job. And, yesterday, that was it.

As I try to get some kind of handle on it, as I hear from his friends in their heartbroken state, as I hear from family all over the country, I keep coming back to our youth. Up until about 5th grade, we were probably as close as 2 brothers could be. Thinking about that astonishes me because I had forgotten how close we were - that relationship has changed so much over the years.

He was the kid who was up at 4am on Christmas morning - there was nothing any of us could to hold him down on that one. My parents would try and buy a little time, but there was no stopping him. He was going to open those presents whether we all got up or not. Thinking back, I can't remember him being so excited about anything more than those Christmas mornings.

He was fantastic at figuring out how things worked. I remember when he took apart his Big Trak - what did you do? Here was probably the coolest toy either of us had ever gotten and he was taking it apart! But he had to know, even if it meant he wouldn't get the enjoyment of playing with it again.

He loved camping and fishing; he was definitely an outdoors guy. My parents fostered this love and I think those years where we went camping in the trailer and fished at various lakes were truly some of the happiest of his life.

My own memories of playing with him in our youth are flooding back as I write this, but I think think I'll save those for another post.

Saturday is the memorial for him. I welcome your thoughts and prayers during that time, especially as our already-fractured family comes together to remember him.

Linked up

Last year at this time I wrote about the 1st annual Tiana Foundation golf tournament. Guess what? The 2nd annual event was just as great! Saturday was a beautiful day and I got to spend it not only supporting a great charity, but I also got to spend several hours with good friends laughing as much as golfing.

The Tiana Foundation has grown quite a bit in the past year and they have been able to support quite a few families in their darkest hour. I'm glad to be able to support this work, but I'm even more proud to have the founders as friends and it's just been incredible to see them both grow through a very hard time into such highly respected people in our community.

In that same post last year, I wrote about our own tough times 5 years ago and about Grace who continues to inspire us all. Here she is playing in our pool a few weeks ago. She is learning how to walk now and is really starting to show a lot more interaction with those around her. We love to see her big smile every week in Club Kangaroo - you should see her light up when Mr. M comes into play harmonica for the kids each week! You may also recognize Grace from a pic last month in my post about our summer vacation - she and Owen have a true bond which never ceases to remind me how of how pure a friendship can be at times.

Remembering the victims

Passings...

This past Saturday, two great people left their legacy to be remembered by others. I am honored to have known them both.

Trish Mudgett died from complications following a fairly routine surgery; she was 45 and left behind 3 children and her husband. My association with Trish goes back to my first full-time job at a software company. She was the manager of tech support who hired my future boss and mentor; she eventually left the Bay Area and started an Atlanta office for this company. Although I didn't know her closely as a personal friend, she's one of those people that nobody has ever said a bad word about. She was warm to all, had time for all, and seemed to always be only 1 or 2 degrees of separation from any big story. Based on the response I saw from friends and former colleagues as she fought for her life the past few weeks, she will be missed greatly. I hope that her legacy will be that others learn from her and take time out to truly care for everybody who comes into their lives.

Dallas Moore was the best friend of my father-in-law for over 45 years. He was the kind of guy who could hug you with a handshake. He had big, encompassing hands but the shake was full of warmth and caring. It was firm and full of conviction. When Dallas looked you in the eye and told you something, you knew it was coming straight from his heart and contained nothing but truth. Dallas had a passion for his family, for cars, for his students (he was a high school teacher), but most of all he had a passion for sharing the love of Jesus. He was one of those guys who "got it", who "lived it". Back in 1961, Dallas and my father-in-law were the first missionaries with Youth with a Mission. Check out this great article for a brief glimpse into their trip. Dallas was truly a great man and will be missed by all who knew him.