rumblin...

Tonight we had one of those great California adventures - an earthquake! Cassidy and I were in the kitchen when we heard the rumbling, such a low bass that it drums right through your body. After a few seconds of rumble, the shaking started and before long it was like a train running right through our backyard. Every time an earthquake hits, you have that split second where you need to figure out if this is a fun one, or if the house is going to start falling down around you.
With this one, it took about 10 seconds and it was clear that this one was all fun. It hit 5.6 on the richter scale which is pretty much the perfect "fun" earthquake. It's big enough so that everybody within 80 miles feels it, it shakes enough that you'll be thinking about it for days, and yet nobody gets hurt and nothing breaks. Once you cross over that 6.0 mark, someone is going to be hurt and there will be damage somewhere. Then there's 1989 and the Loma Prieta quake - don't get me started!

So, what does tonight's quake have to do with Owen looking down a hole? Well, this was the first quake that Owen has experienced, at least in his 5 yr old list of memories, and he was pumped up about it! He and Grant were upstairs while Cassidy and I were downstairs. Staci had just walked out to the Garage. As the quake was hitting its apex, I was running up the stairs to make sure they were ok. Owen had this huge smile on his face, "Wow, that was cool!"
"Owen, that was an earthquake! The ground was shaking under our feet." I started to explain. I tried to explain it to Grant but he was having none of it. He didn't seem fazed by it.
"Dad, let's do that again!"
"Well..." I started
"Hey Dad, let's go look and see the animals that were shaking the house."
"Huh?"
"Yeah, let's look down and see the animals!"
After a few minutes, we realized that he wanted to check out the crawlspace under the house. Armed with his flashlight, he was ready to take on the world. Who knows what he thinks has been living down there, but evidently it's big enough to shake our house!

Green Pastures

We have worked for almost 2 years with a ministry named "Green Pastures"; they have been instrumental in helping us get Club Kangaroo off the ground and with bringing local churches together for this relevant reason. They have recently published a video online which shows how they work with churches to provide respite care for families on a regular basis. You should be able to download it from their home page, but here is a direct link to the Windows file and Quicktime file in case you can't (note that are large downloads, about 30MB).

Although I think you will enjoy watching the video, I really just want you to know what a great resource Green Pastures is for a church or any organization. Even if you are not here in the Bay area, and most of you reading this are not, they will still be very glad to work with you to help set up or organize respite events or church programs. Even if they can't physically do the work themselves, they will help get you in touch with the right people. Even if this doesn't float your boat, please send the links to someone whom you think will benefit from it. Whatever we can do to support the children, and in turn their families, is a great thing.

All burned up

Today was a rather wonderful day at church as we celebrated both its 60 year anniversary and the burning of the mortgage. In the morning service we heard from 4 former pastors and were exhorted to be prepared; there will be no 'taking it easy' now that the mortgage is retired. In the evening service, we saw 2 people who have been with the church the entire 60 years, several for 50+ and a good number at 40+. Staci and I have called Bethel home for over 20 years now.

As we burned the mortgage, I thought of the many people who sacrificed heavily to buy the current property and construct our 2 buildings. We are so fortunate to have such a great set of buildings to worship, serve, play, and eat. If not for those who had sacrificed before us, we would not be able to serve the community with sports leagues in the gym, to serve those with special needs in Club Kangaroo, to serve the youth with skateboard ramps.

With that in mind, the reception after the evening service was a great trip down memory lane. There were many people present whom I had not seen for a long time, some who I see but haven't had a chance to laugh with for a while, and some who reminded me yet again of what it means to be a great person and live a great life. Besides the things I mentioned earlier, another incredible thing about our church is the number of truly incredible people. I wish I could name them here, but there are a handful of people who have had a profound influence on my life, those who are true to their faith, true to their lives, and true to their community.

As I drove home, I pondered on those people and their effect on me. Rarely was it something they said specifically to me, instead it was me watching them afar, catching them in conversation, or seeing them deal with tough times. I wonder how life would be if everybody had such role models, if everyone looked for such role models, and how my life would have been different without them. What a great night to honor the past, celebrate the present, and ignite the future.

Tis the season

No, not THAT season. THIS family loves THAT season.

No, it's IEP season. We have IEP #6 coming up next month and today was the first round of prep work with the school. We have a meeting about a month beforehand with his teacher (we had that meeting today), at least one of the paras, speech, OT, etc. We go over last year's IEP, review status, and we discuss the goals for this coming year. More often than not, we're on the same page and given that it's been awhile since we've needed additional services, there is little to no conflict.

Over the next month, we'll refine the goals and procedures so when it comes time for the actual IEP, it's just a matter of signing forms. Sounds good, right? So why then do I feel like I got hit by a truck when I walked out of today's meeting?

This meeting is the one time during the year when I'm forced to acknowledge "everything". The other 364 days of the year we can work with him, play with him, celebrate the positive, and try to solve the problems. But reviewing the IEP goals, it hits home how slow the progress is coming. How long the road is going to be. How life is going to be. Surely he learned how to add numbers since last year, right? Surely, he can say the name of everyone in the classroom, right? No, he met a few goals, but most of the goals will continue in a similar form.

3rd grade will lead to 4th grade will lead to 5th grade and we will still be working on a subset of the skills required for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. We'll still be trying to teach him how to talk to other kids, why that might be useful for him. I'll still be teaching him how to ride a bike, how to catch a ball, and how to pump his legs on a swing.

This is what hits me when I walk out of that meeting, feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest. The life we live, not the life as we dream it, is going to be very, very hard for Grant. It's going to be harder for him than all of us put together.

Tomorrow, I'll wake up and the weight will be lifted. It will be time to make breakfast, time to bring laughter, time to create opportunities. But today, oh today, it hurts.

powerful curve

Sometimes the momentous moments take a few seconds to sink in. The kids were in the hot tub, enjoying the hot water and bubbles while I was semi-conscious in front of the football game.
"Daddy?" I heard from the door. Hmm, Owen must be wanting to get out. Ok, just a minute as I make the incredible effort to get up on my feet.
"Daddy?"
"Grant?" Wait a minute, that was Grant calling me? With the intonation of a call, a request, a question? Did I really hear it the right way or I was I just in a dream state? I hop up quickly and run to the door. There he is, standing at the door, looking up at me as if to say, "um, didn't you hear me. I would like a towel, please."
"Ok, Grant, I'll be right back. I'll go get some towels." He waited there at the door, his wet skin chilling in the late afternoon sun. I ran back down the stairs and wrapped him up in a towel.

A question mark, at the end of a word - just a silly little curve with a dot at the end. But when it comes out of Grant's mouth, it carries the weight of the future. Calling me, asking for me - could we really be on the cusp of hearing questions from Grant? Did he really put that lilt in his voice to ask a question? Only time will tell...

Notes from a Sunday

It's so easy, too easy, to get "caught up" in the world of Grant - the good, the bad, the unknown. Certainly that's what is expected of us, after all we are special needs parents and that is soooo hard, right? For that matter, we could spend all our spare time researching autism therapies, let alone practicing and implementing them. Even in my writing here, 95% of it is about him and the other 2 kids don't get their fair share.

Sunday was a great example of why we try not to live our lives that way.

Each Sunday, we get to experience Club Kangaroo - one of the most challenging and yet rewarding experiences of our lives. It is our great challenge to provide a place where these kids can come and feel safe, feel loved, have fun, and even learn a little. In addition, we're there to support the parents not only by being there for a couple of hours a week but to give them a little emotional boost as well. Some times, it's just a quiet, peaceful time. And other times, like this Sunday, it's like playing a game of Perfection. The clock is ticking and that box is ready to pop when you are least ready for it. All the while, we're trying to put the right piece in the right slot and when we put it in the wrong spot, the box is almost certainly going to pop up and scatter the pieces all over the place.

There are also times when the rewards are so obvious. For example, the grandfather of a boy in our class walked up to me before service and said, "Steve, I've got a reason to praise God."
"Why is that?" I asked, hoping to hear a good story about his grandson's week.
"Every time I see you, I praise God for you and what you are doing."

What an incredibly uplifting and encouraging thing to hear! I'm not one to remember quotes or famous movie lines, but those words will stick with me forever.

During service, we had a full house in the class. While it was quite exhausting, it was also a great time to reflect on how far each of the kids has come in a short period of time. Each one had a moment which could have resulted in a meltdown, an anger episode, loss of control - you name it. But each one was able to get past that moment, to take just enough control that they didn't lose it. Each one had awareness of the situation and held back before they went too far. At the same time, 3 of them journeyed with us to children's church on a bit of a field trip. Most of the kids have trouble dealing with the noise, the action, the unpredictability, etc. But, we're all slowly learning how to prepare for that time, and how to cut it short when it's clear that it's not going to last.

Those are just a few of the reasons why we try not to get caught up in the world of Grant but instead try to give more than we can take. We have learned so much by working with, playing with, and loving these kids. We are very, very fortunate to be involved in their lives.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! You didn't really think I was going to end a weekend post without some Grant stories did you? Here are just a few from the world of Grant -

-While he was playing in his room instead of getting dressed in the morning, Staci walked in and reminded him, "Grant, after church today we'll get fries. You need to get dressed if you want fries later." He immediately got dressed! His listening ability has come so far; it still shocks us.
-Grant took his longest bike ride ever and he did great! It was really the first time that we've had to ride for and extended period on a sidewalk and he didn't have any problem with it. He's continuing to ride without my hand on the bike - great stuff.
-As we were all getting in the car in the morning, he asked for "book". He had picked out a book the previous night at a school fundraiser, Good Night, Gorilla. He was able to communicate his desire before we left the house; that means no crying and screaming in the car. And he wanted a book!
-At the video store in the afternoon, it became pretty clear that he was going to need the bathroom pretty soon. Rather than just hop around in the potty dance, he used his words all on his own, "I want bathroom."

Mornings

Ugh, I hate mornings - always have. Getting out of bed has always been one of the hardest things for me to do. In a perfect world, I'd wake up and have about 30 minutes to clear the fog before having to set a foot on the floor. In my real world, the kids are pulling me out of bed and the fog often lasts until lunch time.

But.

One of my favorite parts of my day is taking Grant to school - in the morning. I can't even write that without smiling because it was just a few short years ago that it was my hardest part of the day. Those first 3 years of school mornings, were... well, that's another post entirely. The next 2 were much better, but still difficult because I had Owen with me while getting Grant to his class. This year, however, it's just me and Grant. This is a good thing.

Grant is able to sit in the front seat of the car now, so as we drive I talk about the things we see and about how school will go today. Most days, he will name his favorite things that he sees along the way - corn, barn, cows. I believe he comprehends 90% of what I'm saying, but I have absolutely no idea how he processes that information. If he is processing it in a similar way to you and I, how utterly frustrating that must be to not reciprocate his thoughts and feelings. I have no idea if he likes or doesn't like any or all of the kids in his class (or does he care?). But, before we know it, we're at school trying to scrounge up a parking space so we can walk to his class. This year, we've been on time each and every day - incredible! Even the morning that my battery was dead, we still got the car jumped and got to class before the bell rang.

The class schedule is a good mix between highly scheduled activities and opportunities to break up the schedule. The morning is one of the highly scheduled times - come in, grab a book, and read until it's time to start class. This is my time. I exchange greetings with his teacher and the paras who are in the room, and also with the parents as they drop off their children. My favorite part, though, is getting to know the kids themselves. Because Grant is doing so well in the morning and since I don't have Owen with me, I'm able to spend a little more time in the class and talk to the kids. We have a new kid in the class this year, J., who talks quite well and can easily converse and share his ideas and thoughts. I love to hear his stories and his opinion of various topics - toys, his sister, his dad's job, etc. While I'm talking to J., I kneel next to Grant's desk and read along with him. I try to get him to label things, or I try to get him interested in the story being told.

At the same time, I say 'hi' to each of the other kids. One boy who has been with Grant since the beginning, always says 'hi Grant's Dad'. Lately, he's been addressing me before I say 'hi' to him - great stuff. He is definitely farther along on the language train than Grant. The other kids give me all sorts of different reactions, as you would expect. R. speaks very quietly and has almost no eye contact. G. almost always gives me a smile when I talk to him; I can see a glimmer in his eye and I think he's going to be a real character when he grows up. D. has just recently starting copying R. and now says 'hi Grant's Dad' too. There are a few others that generally show up a little later and I don't get to talk to them much.

Before I know it, the bell has rung and Mrs. J. is heading towards the front of the classroom to start group time. I say 'bye Grant' and he says 'bye, Daddy' - this always puts a smile on my face as I say bye to everybody and head out the door for a day at the office. The joy I experience in the morning these days wouldn't be the same without the struggles and discouragement I had with Grant in earlier years. Now, if I could just learn how to get out of bed...

my son, the neurodiversitist

Overheard at the dinner table tonight...

Staci, Owen, and Cassidy were talking about a converstaion from earlier in the afternoon about wishes. Staci asked Owen, "Do you remember my wish?"

"Hmmm... no?"

"My wish was that Grant would learn to talk."

"It's ok, Mom. Grant has his own language! He's ok." Smiles all around the table, and then he continued in a whisper, "Mom, I changed my wish."

"You did?"

He leans into her ear and whispers, "I love you mom."

Melting ensued.